Slammr (imported) wrote: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:05 pm It may be nit picking, but I don't have a sexual "orientation." I have a sexual "preference" that changes -- has changed -- from time to time, more of a person preference than a gender preference. I have been in long-term exclusive relationships with both males and females, with more females than males.
Even in the first grade, I equally loved two of my classmates, a boy and a girl, John and Mary George, at that time, the two most popular kids in the class. I moved away from that town -- my home town -- when I was in the sixth grade, but saw both John and Mary George each once on subsequent visits (my grandparents lived in the town).
When I saw Mary George, she had become fat, which ruined it for me. I saw John last when I was about sixteen. He was still a good looking kid. I still have a thing for him -- for the boy he was then. Of course, he's an old man now -- if he's still alive -- but in my mind, he's still that sixteen year-old boy. I still think about him, but not about Mary George.
In high school, I was in love with another boy, Terry. I even wrote a story about him, Terry (http://www.eunuch.org/Alpha/T/ea_200540terry___.htm), much of what I wrote being true, especially about how I felt about him. Nothing sexual ever happened between Terry and me. I followed him around like a puppy, until we became friends. I last saw him about 35 years ago.
Anyway, a long explanation to explain why I don't feel I have a sexual "orientation." Most of the stories I write have a "G" classification, but they're somehow more fun. Been there, done that, so many more times with women. Also, it's easier to put myself in a male mind, than it is to put myself in a female mind. Too, no guy ever dumped me, while some women did. Think that has anything to do with it?
In a way, John and Terry are the two unrequited loves of my life. Maybe that's what I'm trying to recreate in my stories.
I suppose "preference" is certainly indivualistic. I get this knee-jerk reaction when I hear "preference" as that implies one was once non-gay but is now Gay as that is what they "prefer" or "chose." For me, there is certainly no "preference" in that my "orientation" is Gay all the Way!
Guess it's more like Keats' line "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." (Or was that Keats?)
I remember myself having a crush on a boy in the first grade but couldn't identify it. By the time I entered junior high I KNEW what a "crush" was and acted out on it. Had many sexual encounters from 12 years of age to 14. High School was a two year lover who dumped me for a female drummer! Drummer of all things! Could have been a tuba player, but a DRUMMER. Geez.
I would probably be horrified if I saw all the b/f's I had in high school and college as they would horrified to see me.
Oh well, life goes on.
(Don't you love how conversations get diverted from the main topics)?
Studlover
A-1 
