Just for Andrew! A Noteworth Tale

[Dave (imported)]

You left out tablature, third fret on the 5 string is g of course. Now thats obscure.

- - River

Yes, it is. I learned guitar on my own, no formal lessons. But I soon discovered that my first knuckle wasn't strong enough to bridge strings. It seems like playing piano with my fingers curved for all those years warped my hands. I still have weak wrists because of it. (I heard that, they are not limp wrists, just weak) ...

My brain was warped by a good catholic education with nuns.

Dave

[A-1 (imported)]

Well, I never did FRET about a "G" String...

A-1

[colin (imported)]

This might be the right thread in which to resurrect a list of explanations of musical terms. There are several of these and I might have posted this one before, but I think it is still worth a laugh.

p - piano (soft) - the neighbours have complained

f - forte (loud) - the neighbours are out

ff - fortissimo (VERY loud) - to hell with the neighbours

pp - pianissimo (VERY soft) - the neighbours are at the door

Dim - thick

Obbligato - being forced to practice

Rit (and/or) Rall - coming up to the bit you HAVEN’T practised

Con Moto - I have a car

Allegro - a little motor car

Maestro - a bigger motor car

Metronome - person small enough to fit comfortably into a Mini

Lento - the days leading up to Easto

(with eggo and choco and things)

Largo - brewed in Germany

(Hence “Handel’s Largo reaches parts that other beers cannot reach”)

Piu Animato - if you don’t clean that rabbit out, it will have to go

Interval - time to meet the players in the bar

Perfect Interval - when drinks are on the house

Cantabile - singing (that is, viz. drunk)

Con Spirito - drunk again

Cantata - a fizzy drink

Tutti - ice cream (as in Tutti Frutti)

Coda - served with chipsa

(you have to be British to understand that one)

Codetta - child’s portion

Chords - things that organists play with one finger

Discords - things that organists play with two fingers

Suspended Chord - for lynching the soloist

Rubato - ointment for the musicians back

Subdominant - “I can’t play until I’ve asked my partner”

Tonic - a pick-me-up

Syncopation - bowel condition, brought on by an overdose of Jazz

Crotchet - knitting

Quaver - the feeling before a lesson when you haven’t practised

Key signatures - silly things put there to frighten you

(ignore them, they will go away - and so will your audience)

Time signatures - things for drummers to ignore

Colla Voce - this shirt is so tight I can’t talk

Proffessional - anyone who can’t hold down a steady job

Flats - English apartments

A tempo - in time

A tempo de café - Ah, coffee time

Improvisation - what you do when the music falls off the stand

Fugue - clever stuff

Prelude - warm-session before the clever stuff

Acciaccatura/appogiatura - insects (bugs)

Scales - on the outside of a fish

Trill - a bird food

(Makes budgies bounce with health)

Virtuoso - someone who can work wonders with easy-play music

Antiphonal - crossed lines

Melody - an ancient and now extinct art in song writing

Music - happiness

and finally, my favourite

Opus, exclamation made when Moggy has done a “whoopsie” on the carpet

[kb57z (imported)]

and finally, my favourite

Opus, exclamation made when Moggy has done a “whoopsie” on the carpet

[/CENTER]

This answers A-1's question elsewhere about why I used a cat smilie :kittygray rather than a pig smilie

Obviously, the joke wouldn't work with a because a would do a lot more than just a "whoopsie".

[Dave (imported)]

what did the Soprano scream when she cut her finger while dicing pickles?

EEEEEEEE that's SHARP !

[Dave (imported)]

a) when the plumber bent over in my kitchen, he let loose a giant fartissimo from his crack.

b) The carpenter always made a fartissimo before he created a piano stool. . . .

[kb57z (imported)]

a) when the plumber bent over in my kitchen, he let loose a giant fartissimo from his crack.

b) The carpenter always made a fartissimo before he created a piano stool. . . .

Is this what Bob Dylan meant when he was singing about "Blowing in the Wind"?