It's time for a discusion about etiquette.

[Paolo]

Give me the term you prefer, and I'll retitle the thread, please and thank you.

As for discussing automotive parts, I think we're good on that.

[Losethem (imported)]

I think there is a difference in using a term for purposeful derision, put-down, insult, or diminishment of a person or group, and using a term to describe something without intent of harm. Where I think this went off the rails was the immediate drawing of guns and knives by Punky Pink instead of her using it as an opportunity to educate people about why the term is wrong.

On the other hand, I've also felt often that the moderators hit the close or ban buttons often reactively and much too quickly or emotionally. Though I am often on their side in a given conversation I find myself wondering at times if a differing opinion or dissent is allowed here, and many times I'm left bewildered by actions they take and at others somewhat amused and entertained. This said, I'm not the owner here, so they can do what they want and if I or anyone else don't like it we're all free to go elsewhere.

My point to all this is that we all can use a bit of stepping back and thinking before we act. Or as it is at times called in colloquial terms, we all need to avoid "opening our mouths and inserting feet..."

--LT

[foxytaur (imported)]

On Punky's part I would say that she could have handled things much differently and I don't fault Palo for banning her. However I do wish people would stop using the term tranny as it is as offensive as any racial or ethnic epithet. Would we be as harsh on another member if they were responding to the word faggot or the N word? Would we tolerate any thread where that were in the subject line? I agree that we don't need a list, but we should also need raise our own level of conduct, such that when we see someone using hurtful language, that we do not remain silent.

You know the thing I don't really understand.

why is it ok for gays to call each other the "f-word", similarily a black guy calls his compatriots the "n' word.

The T-word fall under the same category for transgendered/transexual folk .( Oh were only allowed to use it, but.......it's not ok for everybody else to use it.)

Is it any wonder how the word is still being spread nonchalantly as if it were ok and cool to still use hmmm?

Sure it has it's terrible meaning, when taken in a derrogatory context, but let's not forget it's a word used to describe trans folk.

Regardless of its inceptual harmful meaning, it doesn't have to be harmful. In end it's just a word and nothing but a word till its backed up by the rest of the phrase and context from which it is being used.

I don't condone it but I'm not going to cry spilled beans over it. But it ain't going away anytime soon.

It's like that catch phrase many outside lgbt use that's become mainstream. I don't like it but what can you really do except try to educate masses against it's use. That it's hurtful.

phrase : "That's so gay!"

I try to ignore it as best I can unless the offender is seriously asking to be beaten if pushing me to the limit

[foxytaur (imported)]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=G1zhe85spsw& ... 1zhe85spsw

Hey guys. I propose a profanity tax LOL.....naw just joking but you see what I mean

[jemagirl (imported)]

Give me the term you prefer, and I'll retitle the thread, please and thank you.

I'm pretty sure that with a little thought and sensitivity anyone of us could find a way of talking about the subject without using such an offensive word. As for me, I do feel somewhat out of place saying exactly what should be, but if I were pressed on the point I would retitle the thread this way. Transgendered woman cuts off her penis.

If the subject of the thread were "Faggot cuts off his penis" we would all know that we could say the same thing by writing it as "Gay man cuts off his penis".

[jemagirl (imported)]

You know the thing I don't really understand.

why is it ok for gays to call each other the "f-word", similarily a black guy calls his compatriots the "n' word.

The T-word fall under the same category for transgendered/transexual folk .( Oh were only allowed to use it, but.......it's not ok for everybody else to use it.)

You raise an excellent question. I wish there were an excellent that should safely guide us through such a thorny topic but I am afraid there really isn't one. The best I can tell you is that when you are a member of the group for which the derogatory term is applied you automatically get usage rights. After all you have already paid for them, am I wrong?

In other words, as I am not black, were I to use the N word I would be doing at the expense of someone else. Also I think that when we speak within our group, we can take the sting out of the word by using it. However Punky pink did make the point...

The problem with reclaiming the word "tranny" is that it usually implies a denial of our identities.

[foxytaur (imported)]

It doesn't help stop the word's influence when the same marginalized group adopts it social wise in a non harmful way. The flow of information is neverending.

There's a reason words in the english( or for that matter other laguages) lexicon become discontinued, people change with the times, so do the liguistics, I bet if you search up ye old english terminology theres an entire stockpile of words that have been discarded in favour of new ones. Some that replace the word in favour of another to mean the same thing. Sometimes the culture changes drastically that the word is dropped indefinetly bc it doesn't describe the original settings in which it took place.

The same needs to apply with the word "tranny".

Its really simple jema if we continue using it, its never going away.

Its a slow process, we might not even be alive to see it vanish, but we need to lay the foundation to educate others no to use it.

Just like there's those banners about homosexuals

quote: "That's so gay is so yesterday"

I view the quote above as positive activism.

If there's something I'm not really in agreement with Punky pink it seems is the beligerance of her activism.

Beligerance rarely gets you anywhere and rarely unless coordinated.

Punky pink showed none of that from what Ive gathered from everyone so far.

NB = I guess you could say transfolk have the right to use the T-word but it really doesn't make it right.

[Riverwind (imported)]

I would like to address a couple issues,

First for an old guy like me, I am still confused as to why one is ok and the other is not, and its not just Transgendered I am talking about. Remember where I came from AIDS was a pill to reduce weight, and RPG was a computer language I wrote in. I remember once in the service where the commander said to get some TP, I reported back that there was plenty of toilet paper in the loo, he meant Transportation.

So the first thing is if someone says something offensive it may not have been meant that way, be polite and correct it.

Second as for being quick to ban someone, when a person has been here a while and it ban it is because all other means to correct the problem has failed. In the case of Punky we talked to her several times about going off on people because she felt offended, this was not the first time, or second. There comes a time when we as moderators must weigh the value of the member to all the other members of this site. Being rude to a moderator will get you ban, its like when a cop pulls you over and asks you if you know why he pulled you over and your response is 'because your an asshole?' Yes you will get a ticket and fix your tail light.

Remember not everything you see on this site is everything going on and when several of us are trying to hit the ban button and loose out because another beat us to it, its most likely for the right reason.

River

[tugon (imported)]

I think any word can be used in a way to cause offense. I have learned in my 57 years that a word spoken by a friend vs. that same word spoken by someone unknown can cause different reactions. This site is in my opinion is composed of kind and concerned people who either share or have compassion in each other's struggles. This is the last place I would look for offense.

When someone makes you afraid of ever misspeaking regarding titles, names or pronouns it tires you out. We all make mistakes and if I am overcorrected I tend to say offensive things for fun, shock value. I transitioned from male to eunuch so I consider myself transgendered. Sure it was a hell of a lot easier than it is for M to F or F to M but the internal struggle is still there. So I am offended when someone calls me sir.

[erikboy (imported)]

Just few thoughts

Certain words do not make people offending. It is their thinking behind these words.

What I do respect a lot is honesty. It really does not matter what words are used. If person is not too aware of word meaning one is using, honesty and respectfulness solves just every situation. Even if someone is honest about negative feelings he or she has. These can be understood and respected.

Paolo certainly has that quality. And I like him also because he is able to apologise if he is wrong.

It is not meant to boast Paole here, it is rather an example