Truth in Humor

[JesusA (imported)]

These just in from a friend. They're too good not to share...

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in sick to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer."

~ Robin Tyler

I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.

~ Charles Pierce

"Dear Abby," In response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood. 'You could move.'

~ Abigail Van Buren.

The one bonus of not lifting the ban on gays in the military is that the next time the government mandates a draft, we can all declare we are homosexual instead of running off to Canada.

~ Lorne Bloch

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

~ Jon Stewart

My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I'm giving them my share.

~ Rita Mae Brown

Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons.

~ Letter to the Editor, The Advocate

You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.

~ Barry Goldwater

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?

~ Ernest Gaines

My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.

~ W. Somerset Maugham

Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't.

~ Author Unknown

If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic."

~ Shelly Roberts

My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it.

~ Amanda Bearse

It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain....

~ Francis Maude

The only queer people are those who don't love anybody....

~ Rita Mae Brown

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.

~ Lynn Lavner

If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered.

~Robin Tyler

I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, "Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual- pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?" I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: "Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?"

My mom would always say, "Every day is Kid's Day." To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual- pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?

--Adam Rowland