New Political Vocabulary
Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 10:40 pm
In case you've been having trouble recently in deciphering speeches and news reports, following are some definitions (especially in light of the W administration double-speak):
*alternative energy sources/ n./* New locations to drill for gas and oil.
*bankruptcy/ n./* A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.
*"burning bush"/ n./* A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.
*Cheney, Dick/ n./* The greater of two evils.
*class warfare/ n./* Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
*climate change/ n./* Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.
*compassionate conservatism/ n./* Poignant concern for the very wealthy.
*creation science/ n./* Pseudo-science that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.
*DeLay, Tom/ n./* Past tense of De Lie.
*extraordinary rendition/ n./* Outsourcing torture
*faith/ n./* The belief that the "Beatitudes" found in the Bible include "Blessed are the rich" and "Blessed are the war makers."
*free markets/ n./* Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.
*girly-men/ n/* Males who do neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.
*God/ n./* Senior presidential adviser.
*growth/ n./*
1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.
*healthy forest/ n./* No tree left behind.
*honesty/ n./* Lies told in simple declarative sentences, e.g., "Freedom is on the march."
*House of Representatives/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million (See Senate).
*laziness/ n./* When the poor are not working.
*leisure time/ n./* When the wealthy are not working.
*liberal(s)/ n./* Followers of the Antichrist.
*No Child Left Behind/ riff/.*
1. There are always jobs in the military
2. The Rapture
*ownership society/ n./*
1. A civilization where 1% of the population controls 90% of the wealth.
2. A political system in which all power is in the hands of the owners.
*Patriot Act/ n./*
1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.
*pro-life/ adj./* Valuing human life up until birth.
*Senate/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee - $10 million to $30 million.
*simplify/ v./* To cut the taxes of Republican donors.
*staying the course interj./ Slang/.* Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results (See: insanity).
*stuff happens interj./ Slang./* I don't have to live in Baghdad.
*voter fraud/ n./* A significant minority turnout.
*woman/ n./*
1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.
*alternative energy sources/ n./* New locations to drill for gas and oil.
*bankruptcy/ n./* A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.
*"burning bush"/ n./* A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.
*Cheney, Dick/ n./* The greater of two evils.
*class warfare/ n./* Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
*climate change/ n./* Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.
*compassionate conservatism/ n./* Poignant concern for the very wealthy.
*creation science/ n./* Pseudo-science that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.
*DeLay, Tom/ n./* Past tense of De Lie.
*extraordinary rendition/ n./* Outsourcing torture
*faith/ n./* The belief that the "Beatitudes" found in the Bible include "Blessed are the rich" and "Blessed are the war makers."
*free markets/ n./* Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.
*girly-men/ n/* Males who do neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.
*God/ n./* Senior presidential adviser.
*growth/ n./*
1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.
*healthy forest/ n./* No tree left behind.
*honesty/ n./* Lies told in simple declarative sentences, e.g., "Freedom is on the march."
*House of Representatives/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million (See Senate).
*laziness/ n./* When the poor are not working.
*leisure time/ n./* When the wealthy are not working.
*liberal(s)/ n./* Followers of the Antichrist.
*No Child Left Behind/ riff/.*
1. There are always jobs in the military
2. The Rapture
*ownership society/ n./*
1. A civilization where 1% of the population controls 90% of the wealth.
2. A political system in which all power is in the hands of the owners.
*Patriot Act/ n./*
1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.
*pro-life/ adj./* Valuing human life up until birth.
*Senate/ n./* Exclusive club; entry fee - $10 million to $30 million.
*simplify/ v./* To cut the taxes of Republican donors.
*staying the course interj./ Slang/.* Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results (See: insanity).
*stuff happens interj./ Slang./* I don't have to live in Baghdad.
*voter fraud/ n./* A significant minority turnout.
*woman/ n./*
1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.