Professions

[Studlover (imported)]

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the

value of nothing.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that

decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

An archaeologist is a person who's career lies in ruins.

An architect is someone who makes beautiful models, but unaffordable

realities.

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all

the wounded.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is

shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Mark Twain

A chemical engineer is a man who is doing for a profit what an organic

chemist only does for fun.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells

you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way

that you will look forward to the trip.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he

predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Laurence J. Peter

An editor is a person employed on a newspaper whose business it is to

separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is

printed.

Elbert Hubbard

A journalist is someone who spend 50% of its time not saying what he

knows and 50% of its time talking about things he doesn't know.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a

"brief".

Franz Kafka

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat

which isn't there.

Charles R. Darwin

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a

cloth and sells the cloth.

A philosopher is a person who doesn't have a job but at least

understands why.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had

in a way you don't understand.

A psychologist is a man whom you pay a lot of money to ask you

questions that your wife asks free of charge.

A schoolteacher a is disillusioned woman who used to think she liked

children.

A sociologist is someone who, when a beautiful women enters the room

and everybody look at her, looks at everybody.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the

personality to be an accountant.

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee

cup and a doughnut.