Latenight and Michael Jackson...

[A-1 (imported)]

"Michael Jackson claims that his partners would sleep in the bed, while he slept on the floor. You know, it's the same arrangement the Clintons had." --Jay Leno

"The judge in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial selected 250 candidates for the jury pool, which Jackson himself has selected 20 for the kiddie pool." --Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"According to a Gallup poll, 17% of those asked still have a favorable opinion of Michael Jackson. That may not sound like much, but it's still more than any of the Democratic candidates running for president." —Jay Leno

"Michael Jackson now using the internet to communicate with his fans. Which makes sense, that’s how he met most of 'em." —Jay Leno

"After turning himself in yesterday, Michael Jackson was placed in handcuffs. I think he helped his case when he asked 'These are neat, do they come in smaller sizes?" —Jay Leno

"Michael Jackson announced this week that the Neverland Ranch is no longer home to him. He said he can’t go back there. Which of course is really bad news for the kids locked in the crawlspace." —Jay Leno

"Now he is out on bail — again he still doesn't get it. When a reporter asked him what he is going to do now, he said, 'I'm going to Disneyland.'" —Jay Leno

"Early today Michael met with his priest — not for spiritual advice, they went on a double date." —Jay Leno

"Michael Jackson turned himself into authorities today and now the court may take away his kids. Don't worry, Michael's working on a deal where he can dangle them on the weekends." —Craig Kilborn

"The saddest part of this Michael Jackson scandal is that all of this could have been avoided if he just stuck to grabbing his own crotch." —Craig Kilborn

"Michael Jackson was arrested yesterday. According to the Santa Barbara Police, Michael Jackson is 5'11 and only weighs 120 pounds. Michael is able to keep his weight down because he only orders off the children's menu." —Conan O'Brien

"Michael says he is going to fight these charges tooth and nail — because those are the only real body parts he has left." —Jay Leno

"Several celebrities have stepped forward to defend Michael Jackson — Woody Harrelson, Roman Polanski, Pete Townsend." —Craig Kilborn

"I can sum up Michael Jackson's legal defense in three words: dead man moonwalking." —Craig Kilborn

"Yesterday an arrest warrant was issued for Michael Jackson and today by mistake cops picked up Diana Ross." —Jay Leno

" I guess they got Michael on that new law — 3 tykes and you're out." —Jay Leno

"Did you hear who Michael Jackson's lawyer is? He hired Scott Peterson's attorney Mark Geragos. Geragos' slogan is 'no client too sleazy.' See Michael's smart cause he knows that next to Scott Peterson he looks innocent." —Jay Leno

"Police swarmed all over the Neverland Ranch for 12 hours, about 60 investigators and found a lot of items that needed explaining. Like the wedding photo with Lisa Marie Presley." —David Letterman

"His bail was set at $3 million dollars because he is considered a flight risk. Cause, you know, he could run off anywhere and blend right in." —David Letterman

"If you've been watching television today, so it begins, the Michael Jackson mini-series kicked off. The glee, the salivation in the news people. The CNN logo had an erection. If you looked closely, the 'N' was standing tall. ... By God people, there is a Medicare bill to debate! If only the Senate molested the Medicare bill." —Jon Stewart

"I guess they had 60 federal investigators going over the Neverland Ranch property for 12 hours and didn't find anything. But they did turn up OJ's knife." —David Letterman

"Earlier today, police raided the Neverland ranch. Michael Jackson was so upset he dangled himself over a balcony." —Craig Kilborn



A-1

[Riverwind (imported)]

A1.

This is a great list, but I think he could take flight and not be noticed, he could be black again.

River

[N_O_Johnson (imported)]

"Earlier today, police raided the Neverland ranch. Michael Jackson was so upset he dangled himself over a balcony." —Craig Kilborn

Thanks for posting these. This one is my favorite. It took me a long time to stop laughing.

Norman

[An Onymus (imported)]

To look at this from Michael Jackson's side (if anybody except Jacko can really do that), you have to figure that he is a person who, most likely, never can be a normal person again. If he ever was normal. As he ages, he'll be increasingly viewed as a freak and a screwball. I get a weird feeling just looking at him on television and listening to him talk. It seems like I'm looking at a talking mannikin or something. In his own mind, what kind of identity does he have? He probably doesn't actually know whether he's gay or not.