Dear Tide:
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used
it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was
the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new
white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to
berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming
a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended
up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse.
I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it
just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket,
I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach, and to my
surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact,
the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday
told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative, and then
my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered
a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without
being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such
a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to
the Hefty bag people...