Snappy Answers
Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 8:15 pm
Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat
and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for
her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys
get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been
waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid
replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid
on his way without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that reads Low Bridge Ahead." Before he
knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets
stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of
his car and walks around to
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was re-booking a long line of
inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger
pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down
on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight
and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, I'm
sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've
got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be
able to work something out." The passenger was
unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I
AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed
her public address microphone. "May I have your
attention please," She began her voice heard clearly
throughout the
terminal? "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO
DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please
come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line
laughing
hysterically, the man glared at the United agent,
gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without
flinching she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but
you'll have to get in line for that, too."
And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....
Snappy Answer #6
THE TEACHER (Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR)
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! A
smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand
and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I
was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?"
The entire class does its BEST to stifle their
laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her
head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate
to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat
and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for
her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys
get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,
they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped
for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been
waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid
replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid
on his way without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that reads Low Bridge Ahead." Before he
knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets
stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of
his car and walks around to
the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was re-booking a long line of
inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger
pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down
on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight
and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, I'm
sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've
got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be
able to work something out." The passenger was
unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I
AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed
her public address microphone. "May I have your
attention please," She began her voice heard clearly
throughout the
terminal? "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO
DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please
come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line
laughing
hysterically, the man glared at the United agent,
gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without
flinching she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but
you'll have to get in line for that, too."
And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....
Snappy Answer #6
THE TEACHER (Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR)
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses
for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! A
smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand
and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I
was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?"
The entire class does its BEST to stifle their
laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her
head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."
