Snappy Answers

[Studlover (imported)]

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate

to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended

her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat

and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said,

"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the

grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for

her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys

get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,

they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped

for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been

waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid

replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid

on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A

sign comes up that reads Low Bridge Ahead." Before he

knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets

stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of

his car and walks around to

the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,

"Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this

bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #5

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A

single agent was re-booking a long line of

inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger

pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down

on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight

and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, I'm

sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've

got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be

able to work something out." The passenger was

unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers

behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I

AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed

her public address microphone. "May I have your

attention please," She began her voice heard clearly

throughout the

terminal? "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO

DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.

If anyone can help him find his identity, please

come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line

laughing

hysterically, the man glared at the United agent,

gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without

flinching she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but

you'll have to get in line for that, too."

And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....

Snappy Answer #6

THE TEACHER (Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR)

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's

final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses

for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a

nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or

illness, or a death in your immediate family but

that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! A

smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand

and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I

was suffering from complete and utter sexual

exhaustion?"

The entire class does its BEST to stifle their

laughter and

snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher

smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her

head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to

write the exam with your other hand."

[Riverwind (imported)]

yep, a good list and in the right order. The last one was great.

RW

[Andrew (imported)]

What do you call an eighty year old impotent sailor?

A salt with a dead weapon.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Andrew! go back to sleep.



RW

[Studlover (imported)]

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate

to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended

her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat

and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said,

"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the

grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for

her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys

get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am,

they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped

for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been

waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid

replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid

on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A

sign comes up that reads Low Bridge Ahead." Before he

knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets

stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of

his car and walks around to

the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,

"Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this

bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #5

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A

single agent was re-booking a long line of

inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger

pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down

on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight

and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, I'm

sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've

got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be

able to work something out." The passenger was

unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers

behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I

AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed

her public address microphone. "May I have your

attention please," She began her voice heard clearly

throughout the

terminal? "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO

DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.

If anyone can help him find his identity, please

come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line

laughing

hysterically, the man glared at the United agent,

gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without

flinching she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but

you'll have to get in line for that, too."

And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....

Snappy Answer #6

THE TEACHER (Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR)

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's

final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses

for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a

nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or

illness, or a death in your immediate family but

that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! A

smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand

and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I

was suffering from complete and utter sexual

exhaustion?"

The entire class does its BEST to stifle their

laughter and

snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher

smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her

head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to

write the exam with your other hand."

I actually read #6 about ten years ago. It is as funny now as it was then!

Studlover

[JesusA (imported)]

#6 goes back a lot more than 10 years. I first heard it when I was in high school. That version had it specifically as an English teacher and a high school football player. Both the teacher and the football player were named. I had the teacher and knew the football player. It would have been appropriate behavior for both! I would have heard it in 1959-60, probably Fall of 1959.

[Studlover (imported)]

#6 goes back a lot more than 10 years. I first heard it when I was in high school. That version had it specifically as an English teacher and a high school football player. Both the teacher and the football player were named. I had the teacher and knew the football player. It would have been appropriate behavior for both! I would have heard it in 1959-60, probably Fall of 1959.

Indeed most appropriate for both! When I first heard it, it was attributed to a United Airlines ticket attendant.

Studlover

[Andrew (imported)]

Andrew! go back to sleep.

RW

Did you hear about the veterinarian who was barred from performing surgery because of his poor record? The police busted him for attempting to operate

on a sick bird. But the case was thrown out on a technicality: It was an ill

eagle surgeon seizure!

[Riverwind (imported)]

Did you hear about the veterinarian who was barred from performing surgery because of his poor record? The police busted him for attempting to operate

on a sick bird. But the case was thrown out on a technicality: It was an ill

eagle surgeon seizure!

http://www.eunuch.org/Public/Images/ea1 ... a1/E9.gif🙏 Andrew, I have no idea where you find all of these, but they are great, thank you,

RW