The time has come, the Yoli said, to speak of...Organ donors and Darwin Award candidates.
Last night, circa 9PM-ish, I was driving, top down (The CAR's, not mine, you pervs!) home from a little gathering of folks whereat we laid our plans for the opening day of Dove season...Boom!
As I cleared the urban sprawl and cruised toward our semi-rural Paradise some effwad on a motorbike pulled alongside and began to woo me rather forcefully, "asking" me in a blend of TexMex and Eeeeeengleesh to pull over so we might begin a meaningful relationship. I laughingly declined (while putting one hand on "Snoopy", my pet semi-auto travel pistol.)
Well, Senor Casanova Pendejo de Santa Anna became rather insistent and actually steered VERY close alongside and tried to touch me. However, when "Snoopy" was produced he kinda lost it...so "kinda" that he oversteered away from me as he hit the brakes, with the result that he wiped out on the grassy median.
Since I assumed someone would wander by in a short while to summon aid or administer the Last Rites I just kept on keepin' on, humming a merry tune as I enjoyed the breeze.
That's me...Hardhearted Yoli. To my credit, however, I did a pour a nice nightcap and toast his health as I soaked nekkidly in the pool. Ash(leigh) joined me and was still laughing as I went to bed.
Upon reflection, I should have gone back and treated him to a "top down and up skirt" peek as he lay moaning on the grass. Oh well, next time for sure.
And now....MORE KAWFEEEEEE!
Yoli
Angel of Mercy
Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
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FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)
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Riverwind (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
Yoli, you are an Angle of Mercy,
If that poor misguided soul lived through that I will bet he never ever tries that to anybody again.
My question about your post is this? what did those little cooing doves do to you that you want to go out and murder them?
Poor little doves.
Now up you go and get some more Kawwwfffffffffffeeeeeeeee.
River
If that poor misguided soul lived through that I will bet he never ever tries that to anybody again.
My question about your post is this? what did those little cooing doves do to you that you want to go out and murder them?
Poor little doves.Now up you go and get some more Kawwwfffffffffffeeeeeeeee.
River
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streetglide (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
Good job Yoli!
And River....Mmmmmmm, they taste like chicken! Really really really little chickens! They're fast little buggers too!
And River....Mmmmmmm, they taste like chicken! Really really really little chickens! They're fast little buggers too!
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Riverwind (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
I understand Spotted Owls tastes just like chicken too. hmmmm.
Poor little doves.
I have a cat named Rupert which many of you know and have met said cat. One day while out on his rounds (hunting) his favorite pastime he caught a dove and like the good kitty he is he brought it to me, now he was so proud of himself he dropped it so I could praise him and the dove which was still very much alive took flight with said cat hot on its tail. He flew to the back room where Rupert did hit him but the bird flew into the next room where the same thing happened back to the living room with more feathers flying and into the kitchen where the bird out of breath, the CAT and I all arrived at the same time. I caught the bird checked him over took him to the door and released him. Rupert was understandable pissed at me, then I spent the next 2 days picking up feathers, they were everywhere. It was after that that he tried to bag his first turkey but thats another story.
River
Poor little doves.
I have a cat named Rupert which many of you know and have met said cat. One day while out on his rounds (hunting) his favorite pastime he caught a dove and like the good kitty he is he brought it to me, now he was so proud of himself he dropped it so I could praise him and the dove which was still very much alive took flight with said cat hot on its tail. He flew to the back room where Rupert did hit him but the bird flew into the next room where the same thing happened back to the living room with more feathers flying and into the kitchen where the bird out of breath, the CAT and I all arrived at the same time. I caught the bird checked him over took him to the door and released him. Rupert was understandable pissed at me, then I spent the next 2 days picking up feathers, they were everywhere. It was after that that he tried to bag his first turkey but thats another story.
River
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chilliwilli (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
...this reminds of that Dirty and Hairy scene where Clit says
"Go ahead punk, make me gay."
popcorn and soda in hand.
chilli-:D
"Go ahead punk, make me gay."
popcorn and soda in hand.
chilli-:D
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Losethem (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
...
Umm... clearly people have no concept of how a motorcycle is operated. In order for Senor Cassnova to get close enough to try to touch Yoli as she drove an automobile properly configured for operation on the roads of the United States, this guy would NEVER have been able to do it because he would have to take his hand off the throttle of the motorcycle to perform the act of touching.
As a motorcycle driver myself, I know this would have caused nearly any motorcycle, even the quickest of bullet bikes, to slow down to the point Senor Cassanova couldn't have done what was described above.
Normally, I like these stories, but I'm afraid I have to call shenanigans on this one.
--LT
FianceeUvBigGuy (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:54 am Well, Senor Casanova Pendejo de Santa Anna became rather insistent and actually steered VERY close alongside and tried to touch me. However, when "Snoopy" was produced he kinda lost it...so "kinda" that he oversteered away from me as he hit the brakes, with the result that he wiped out on the grassy median...
Umm... clearly people have no concept of how a motorcycle is operated. In order for Senor Cassnova to get close enough to try to touch Yoli as she drove an automobile properly configured for operation on the roads of the United States, this guy would NEVER have been able to do it because he would have to take his hand off the throttle of the motorcycle to perform the act of touching.
As a motorcycle driver myself, I know this would have caused nearly any motorcycle, even the quickest of bullet bikes, to slow down to the point Senor Cassanova couldn't have done what was described above.
Normally, I like these stories, but I'm afraid I have to call shenanigans on this one.
--LT
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moi621 (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
Dear Sweet & Dangerous if aroused, Yoli
To have gone back to aid the idiot would have been an
invitation to trouble. If he was okay he might have been aggressive
on your body and you may have had to defend yourself which
would have led to the P.D., and stuff.
Calling 911 on his behalf should of been sufficient as his aggressive behavior removed him from good Samaritan consideration.
Be comfy with your wise choice.
Come drive Southern California where there is now no respect for large
SUV's and one must play, dodge-car, with little weaving subcompacts. Could crush them but, then the P.D. and everyone gets involved.
To have gone back to aid the idiot would have been an
invitation to trouble. If he was okay he might have been aggressive
on your body and you may have had to defend yourself which
would have led to the P.D., and stuff.
Calling 911 on his behalf should of been sufficient as his aggressive behavior removed him from good Samaritan consideration.
Be comfy with your wise choice.
Come drive Southern California where there is now no respect for large
SUV's and one must play, dodge-car, with little weaving subcompacts. Could crush them but, then the P.D. and everyone gets involved.
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DeaconBlues (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
Umm... clearly people have no concept...
Don't be so quick to "call shenanigans" on this one. Though I am NOT an avid motorcyclist, even I know that SOME (not many) motorcycles were equipped with a sort of "cruise control" that was basically a detent lock system on the throttle handle. While I would consider it hoplessly STUPID to attempt getting close in to another moving vehicle that was being driven by a STRANGER at highway speed, I do know that in a rehearsed stunt, such a thing IS IN FACT POSSIBLE if the bike is equipped with a throttle locking "cruise control." When I first heard about bikes with this cruise control feature, I thought I was just silly, even on a long ride you generally KEEP both hands on the bars when the bike is in motion.... then a few years later.... I was on a l-o-n-g ride and the weather got very cold very quickly, and DAMN! My arms got cold, and tired, and weak, and I suddenly realized that a LOT of what I had considered silly B.S. would have been really nice to have, my right hand was extremely tired from holding the throttle in place, and I decided that motorcycle "cruise control" was not so silly after all.
While "
Losethem (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:48 am As a motorcycle driver myself, I know this would have caused nearly any motorcycle, even the quickest of bullet bikes, to slow down to the point Senor Cassanova couldn't have done what was described above.
Normally, I like these stories, but I'm afraid I have to call shenanigans on this one.
--LT
Don't be so quick to "call shenanigans" on this one. Though I am NOT an avid motorcyclist, even I know that SOME (not many) motorcycles were equipped with a sort of "cruise control" that was basically a detent lock system on the throttle handle. While I would consider it hoplessly STUPID to attempt getting close in to another moving vehicle that was being driven by a STRANGER at highway speed, I do know that in a rehearsed stunt, such a thing IS IN FACT POSSIBLE if the bike is equipped with a throttle locking "cruise control." When I first heard about bikes with this cruise control feature, I thought I was just silly, even on a long ride you generally KEEP both hands on the bars when the bike is in motion.... then a few years later.... I was on a l-o-n-g ride and the weather got very cold very quickly, and DAMN! My arms got cold, and tired, and weak, and I suddenly realized that a LOT of what I had considered silly B.S. would have been really nice to have, my right hand was extremely tired from holding the throttle in place, and I decided that motorcycle "cruise control" was not so silly after all.
While "
" clearly lacked much good sense, he may have had enought brains to get a bike with this cruise control feature, as I believe is the case.
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micropenis (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
moi621 (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:58 pm Calling 911 on his behalf should of been sufficient as his aggressive behavior removed him from good Samaritan consideration.
Be comfy with your wise choice.
The problem with calling for help is that you will tell the authorities what happened, then he may tell a very different story. A guy who would do that would do anything.
Sometimes you just have to look out for No.1 and let others deal with thier own problems. You did the right thing by just driving away.
Look at the bright side. A motor cycle accident is a great way to destroy the family jewels.
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devi (imported)
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Re: Of Shoes and Ships and Idiots on M'cycles
Lovely! Evil little Yoli downs a ghouly lost and lonely loony-toony lovey-dovey on her way to bagging all her little lovely bunny doveys from abovey. Wow. That's like money, honey.
Moral of the story to all lovey-doveys: Never mess with a dovey hunter.
And El Creepo needs to be left in the dirt. He'd probably pretend to be hurt anyway.
Moral of the story to all lovey-doveys: Never mess with a dovey hunter.
And El Creepo needs to be left in the dirt. He'd probably pretend to be hurt anyway.