Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

[snoopy (imported)]

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which, as always,

asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,

subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject

financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you

realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops

bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows

little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the

person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really

bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious

bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when

they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've

accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your

bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the

fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post also published the winning submissions to its

yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings

for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has

gained.

3. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent.

6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only

a nightgown.

7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been

run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto

the roof and gets stuck there.

.

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Bozone layer. That is a good one.