The laws of reality

[augman7518 (imported)]

Subject: THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

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& Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

& Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

& Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

& Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

& Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

& Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

& Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

& Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

& Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

& Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

& Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

& The Dunkin Donuts Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

& Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

& Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

& Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

& Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

& Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

& Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

& Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.