MAKEUP?
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that I'd have to quit Then I caught her spending $65 on make-up. I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what beer was for...
BREAKFAST?
She was in the kitchen preparing to cook the boiled eggs for breakfast. Her husband then walked in and asked, "What's for breakfast?"
She turned to him and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment." He, thinking it was his lucky day, he laid her down on the kitchen table and they had sex. Afterwards he asked her, "What was that all about?"
She replied, "The egg timer's broken.
LIVING WILLS
While I was watching the Yankees game on TV one weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.
Sometimes it is tough being married to a smartass.
