Just a dilemma

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

Some years ago, my brother got married in complete silence. After that he told my parents about it.

He didn't need their permission, and always, our decisions were up to us.

So even I never understood why had had to do like that, not telling it before.

He hurt my parents very deeply, and even I don't feel well about it

Now, I want to get castrated. Not something like moving to a new house.

If I tell them before, and they have me their opion on it, they will feel responsible. They will worry about regrets later coming in and so on.

If I don't tell them anything before, it might be the same shock or even greater to them as what my brother did.

Waiting for the operation, and from the table calling home and say

"Mam they are cutting my nuts of n aaaaaauuw"

Maybe, just maybe it's a joke, but not a solution for my problem

I just don't know, time will learn, but I hope he has an advice with him

[EunuchAusTX (imported)]

Personally, I have not told my family of my eunuch status and have no plans to do so. To my mind it is simply none of their business, as it doesn't affect them in any way. Getting castrated is an extremely personal decision, much more personal than, say, getting married, which is usually seen as a family occasion. It was something I did for myself and no one else, and no one else needs to know unless I want them to. To date a grand total of 5 people in my life know of my decision (not including the EA community, of course).

I'm not advocating for secrecy here, just pointing out that you do not owe anybody this piece of information about yourself. If you want your parents to know, tell them. If you don't, then don't. It's your decision and your body, and your right to decide who knows and who doesn't.

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

Personally, I have not told my family of my eunuch status and have no plans to do so. To my mind it is simply none of their business, as it doesn't affect them in any way. Getting castrated is an extremely personal decision, much more personal than, say, getting married, which is usually seen as a family occasion. It was something I did for myself and no one else, and no one else needs to know unless I want them to. To date a grand total of 5 people in my life know of my decision (not including the EA community, of course).

I'm not advocating for secrecy here, just pointing out that you do not owe anybody this piece of information about yourself. If you want your parents to know, tell them. If you don't, then don't. It's your decision and your body, and your right to decide who knows and who doesn't.

Hi,

Thank you so much for the support. But our circumstances are totaly different

I live with my parents, taking care for them, cooking and so on. As I start working normaly at 2.45 am and need my sleep from about 19.00h I keep my own sleeping address, but from about 8.00 until 18.00 I stay with them

I love them, really do, and there is no place for a secret like that, or hiding anything in my situation. I just need the right moment, so I don't hurt them

From my thirteenth year I have some skills people don't easy understand or believe. Their problem, not mine. One of my skills, lets just say I am a little telepathist. At home I'm sending any message arround every hour of the day.

Tomorrow I will become 50 and I had my party today. But my mother already knows there is something on my mind. She is asking already (not by words) and she knows about my ability for many many years. She is waiting for me to explain, and don't worry, I 'll find my way.

Like you say, it is a very personal dicision, and I can make this for myself, I don't need their permission. But I 'm in need to respect them as they do me.

If I say, I WANT TO BE FREE, I NEED TO BE ME, that means, that I don't feel like hiding it for anyone. I don't need to shout it arround, but if someone has a problem with it, that's his/her problem, not mine. If some-one want to make me problems with it, he/she will find out how little my skills are

I need friends, I've been lonesome all my life with this background. If there was somebody looking, I just became a mirror. That was my shield. Until after a very big mistake I realize that if I ever want to have friends, I need to turn over that mirror, finding myself. For friends, I need to drop that shield, and I should be vulnerable and unprotected

Up to now I feel free at this message board, altough I can feel people keeping distance.

If any-one trust me, and become a friend, he/she should know that this is one of my smallest abilities

at startup, run: Format C\ install name.exe \ restart

As soon as I know enough about some-one, to replace my mind with the information about him/her I can run him or her in my mind

I know, this will be a hard way to find friends, but I get the feeling some start already trusting me, and I will see that I stay worth that trust

loveU

[plix (imported)]

I've noticed there are three types of eunuchs or people who wish to become eunuchs. Some feel the need to blurt it to everyone they come across, others only tell a select few close people, and others tell no one, no matter how close.

Those who do decide to tell others, even close family or friends, somehow seem to have themselves convinced that voluntary castration is a normal and everyday thing, and that telling people is just like telling them you are getting married. What they do not recognize is that just because voluntary castration seems normal to them because they have been exposed to it and want it for themselves does not mean others view it as normal or have even heard of it.

The reality is that most have never even heard of men who want to be castrated and remain men, let alone think such an action is acceptable. I would be shocked if your conversation went - You: "I want to have my balls chopped off." Parents: "Ok, nothing wrong with that. But are you sure you aren't going to have regrets later on?"

By saying that your parents' main concern is going to be whether you are going to have regrets, you are assuming that they will consider what you want even acceptable at all, and that their only worry will be that you might have regrets rather than wondering why you would want your balls cut off or why any man would want his balls cut off.

Now, I could certainly be wrong, and I hope I am. Your parents may be surprisingly supportive like a few lucky eunuchs have experienced. But just keep in mind that voluntary castration is not an everyday event and that most people are going to be concerned with a lot more than just whether you will have regrets later on.

In my case I regret telling my family. I now see that there was no need to do so, and telling them caused more problems than it solved. Now we just do not discuss it, and that seems to work well for all of us. But at one point at least some of them were threatening to cease all contact with me.

But my family is different from yours, and like I said before, I hope you will be pleasantly surprised by the reaction from yours

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

I've noticed there are three types of eunuchs or people who wish to become eunuchs. Some feel the need to blurt it to everyone they come across, others only tell a select few close people, and others tell no one, no matter how close.

Those who do decide to tell others, even close family or friends, somehow seem to have themselves convinced that voluntary castration is a normal and everyday thing, and that telling people is just like telling them you are getting married. What they do not recognize is that just because voluntary castration seems normal to them because they have been exposed to it and want it for themselves does not mean others view it as normal or have even heard of it.

The reality is that most have never even heard of men who want to be castrated and remain men, let alone think such an action is acceptable. I would be shocked if your conversation went - You: "I want to have my balls chopped off." Parents: "Ok, nothing wrong with that. But are you sure you aren't going to have regrets later on?"

By saying that your parents' main concern is going to be whether you are going to have regrets, you are assuming that they will consider what you want even acceptable at all, and that their only worry will be that you might have regrets rather than wondering why you would want your balls cut off or why any man would want his balls cut off.

Now, I could certainly be wrong, and I hope I am. Your parents may be surprisingly supportive like a few lucky eunuchs have experienced. But just keep in mind that voluntary castration is not an everyday event and that most people are going to be concerned with a lot more than just whether you will have regrets later on.

In my case I regret telling my family. I now see that there was no need to do so, and telling them caused more problems than it solved. Now we just do not discuss it, and that seems to work well for all of us. But at one point at least some of them were threatening to cease all contact with me.

But my family is different from yours, and like I said before, I hope you will be pleasantly surprised by the reaction from yours

If you can see only those three types of eunuchs, you don't seem to see me

I don't

feel the need to blurt it to everyone

I come across, but I told you a want to be free. I'm not going to worry about the fact if people know or don't know about it, and I will never be ashamed about myself.

The way you resume a possible discussion between me and my parents, is a problem you have with words. I intent to tolk in feelings, something possible rare to you, but not for me and my mother. I gues in about a week, she underrstands what I am up to, and before I get cut, she will know and understand my reasons. Without any problematic discussion or bad feelings between us. I can just ask you, try to understand my position, I don't need to find the words. Sometimes this is great, sometimes it scare me of but for this matter, I guess I'm on the lucky side

As I can feel the concern in your words for me making a mistake in this matter, I thank you from my heart

loveU

J***

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

So live to you all,

just arived about one hour ago. We were talking about 50 years ago, as today I am 50. They were talking about the problems as I was born, and Dad wondered that I couldn't remember that. No he is not crazy, to many times I have surprised them with what I do remember even from my first year. But this was just to far back.

For this moment they know that I've been on chemo-castration for over one year, and yes I needed some words to tell them, as feelings can hardly send any numbers. They now understand that 250mg/day androcur is not keeping my little friend down where 50-100 mg would be normal

Next step will be to make them feel that I don't need this to keep control, but that I want to be free

I gues there is hardly anything left to explain, and I feel happy. Like I said, telling nothing, keep something like that secret, it is not only that I don't want it that way, in my case that would be just impossible.

The biggest surprice for my mother was that I got the drugs from our family doctor, as she is always having problems with him. I don't have that feeling, I trust him and I told her she should try the same

So sometimes, love just needs a little time, but lett i t do its work, don't force

loveU

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

Update

Time did the job. Yesterday, after I got me a new referral from my family doctor, mum was suddenly asking what we should or shouldn't tell to relatives and friends. And she didn't want to bother dad to much with it, as many things nowadays, he hears and doesn't realise what it is about.

It's a relieve, I promise you that. Didn't need to use the words and didn't need to keep this a secret. I would have felt very terrible, going one day for that operation on a lie

loveUall

Jean

ps Your spell checker isn't working anymore

[A-1 (imported)]

Update

Time did the job. Yesterday, after I got me a new referral from my family doctor, mum was suddenly asking what we should or shouldn't tell to relatives and friends. And she didn't want to bother dad to much with it, as many things nowadays, he hears and doesn't realise what it is about.

It's a relieve, I promise you that. Didn't need to use the words and didn't need to keep this a secret. I would have felt very terrible, going one day for that operation on a lie

loveUall

Jean

ps Your spell checker isn't working anymore

Hi Jean,

I hesitate to look at your family situation and think of it as dysfunctional, because of the mutual support you and your parents seem to enjoy for each other.

However, suffice it to say it is an unusual arrangement, out of the ordinary these days, although not so much in earlier times.

I think that you should have time for yourself and to yourself, though. Taking care of elderly parents is a noble thing, but it should not be allowed to consume one. From what you tell, this is not happening in your case.

Some could not even consider the shame and embarrassment they would have discussing such a private matter with parents, let along spouses or even adult children. Then there is the matter of public knowledge.

As for your brother, I do not know his side of the story. So, I reserve comment on his actions, but I believe them to be unusual. YOu may want to consider the person he married as a motivator for his actions which injured you and your parents.

Know that there is a right to privacy and it is normal to want it. So, hang in there, try to keep contact established with family members and to forgive is a commendable action.

Grudges usually hurt those who carry them worse than it hurts the object of the grudges.

In fact, forgiveness is in some cases a liberating action.

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

Hi Jean,

Grudges usually hurt those who carry them worse than it hurts the object of the grudges.

In fact, forgiveness is in some cases a liberating action.

Thanks A1,

Cut your message a little, but everyone can read it.

Sure, the situation is not a usual one. Don't forget please that I grow up with an always good connection between me my parents and my brother. And the special fact that it is just impossible between me and my mother to keep things like this secret.

Please understand me correct, the forgiveness is no problem, there is no grudge, and yes, the wounds are healing.....

The strange point seems to be, that I can't understand my brothers action as in our family there was never any reason to act like that. He didn't need to ask for permission to get married, there would have been no discussion. He is free, like I am (even tough, yes it takes something to take care, so what, I love them)

The fact is, that I have seen how his action hurt my parents. How should I ever live a happy life, knowing that I did almost the same thing to them.

And as we can see.....there is no reason to hide. They leave me that free

I don't know, if I should be proud on the fact that they understand what way I want to go. But for my situation, I can promise you that it makes me happy to know that this matter is solved. Solved in a special way like I am used to for all my life

Thanks again for your reply

loveUall

Jean

[Jean Op den Kamp (imported)]

Yes, and again I feel free. Our way to deal with problems has worked many times, speaking in feelings, using less words is a great gift.

Mother knows about my desire for castration, she did see the article about me in the newspaper, and I am the lucky devil again as I get full support.

Yesterday my father told me about an article from a politica who wants to castrate all paedophiles, and he was happy to tell me that somebody called her back............. He didn't recognize me in the article.

Why should this hurt? Mum and I agree that it is our time to pay him the respect he has earned, and I am just glad that I am not that teen anymore who needed to fight him at any moment I could.

Love can deal with a lot, and sure with this

Jean