I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.

[twaddler (imported)]

* We ought to get a life, but this one is TOOO much fun to give up!

* I'll get a life when someone demonstrates that it would be superior to what I have now.

* I am not obsessive compulsive; I can stop anytime I want as soon as I fall dead asleep.

* After 36 hours of no sleep, you start to see lots of interesting new colors.

* Weird? I'm not weird. Strange, yes, demented even, but not weird! You see things and you say 'why?' But I dream things that never were, and say, 'Why not?'

* Which is better, sex or staring at static on a TV screen until your eyes burn out? I prefer sex until your eyes burn out.

* Life is like a box of chocolates...in a Monty Python skit!

* Caffeine is a wonderful thing and without it I think my eyeballs could fall out.

* Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'Lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. I„! I„! Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah-nagl fhtagn! -- Text found embedded deep within the code of Windows 95. It explains much.

* Theory: when you have ideas. Ideology: when ideas have you.

* Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other Eight are Unimportant.

* Sometimes I lie awake at night in my bed and I watch the stars, and I wonder, where the fuck is my ceiling?

* I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'

* The way to a man's heart is through his chest cavity with a chainsaw.

* Duncan MacButShe'sAWomanAndIHadSexWithHer of the Clan McChivalry...

* It's a job, and somebody dirty's got to do it.

* Anything once, twice if I don't get permanently injured first time.

* There's not nearly enough room in my closet for what I get up to.

* If you can't afford a Rolls Royce, don't want one.

* Try holding your breath for as long as it takes your home page to load.

* The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it.

* Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

* I know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind.

* I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

* I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.

* Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. -- Snoopy

* The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.

* Fight war, not wars. destroy power, not people.

* You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

* I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

* The cure for everything is salt water: Sweat, tears, or the sea.

* I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. -- from 'Manhatten Murder Mystery'

* If Jesus Christ came back today and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

* If it is tourist season, why can't I shoot them?

* Harriet: Do you actually like Haggis? Charlie: No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

* Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

* I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

* We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

* I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

* Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

* God invented man because Eve's vibrator ran out of batteries.

* God invented men because he wanted a good laugh.