wivery

[twaddler (imported)]

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

George Burns

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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."

Henny Youngman

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Henny Youngman

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to

interrupt her.

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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."!

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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same : "You can have mine."

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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a

millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.

"A billionaire." she replied,

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The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it!

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A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"

His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to

every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost

impossible.

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A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a

beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman and then, BAM!, it was all gone!"

"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through

life thinking they had no faults at all.

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I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house.

Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.

They've experienced pain and bought jewelery.

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How do most men define marriage?

An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

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Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

[BossTamsin (imported)]

You've forgotten my all-time favourite.

What's the shortest sentence in the English language? I am.

What's the longest? I do.

[Jenny (imported)]

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

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I loved them