Cooking

[blondboy (imported)]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

" Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[wolfpuck (imported)]

lol i have a habit of doing that to other drivers. when i was growing up my mom never paid too much attention to the road, or the medians between the two sides of the road. She told me to watch out for cars for her, stop signs/lights she invariably missed. lanes she would cut accrossed when turning and force some poor unsuspecting driver off the road on accident in attempt to avoid being hit. anyway.. needless to say i became a good backseat driver and unfortunately the habit has stuck with me. lol

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

I consider myself to be an excellent driver. My friends are excellent drivers as well but I often freak if I'm a passenger because "I"m not the one in control."

In 24 years I've had no accidents and only two traffic citations:

• 2005 - Driving without my seatbelt fastened.

• 2007 - Not having current registration.

I'd say that's not too shabby for an old coot like me who is "almost" as OLD as our beloved River.

[Riverwind (imported)]

old, OLD, OLD?

River

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

No, not old, just excessively mature. --FLO--

[wolfpuck (imported)]

I consider myself to be an excellent driver. My friends are excellent drivers as well but I often freak if I'm a passenger because "I"m not the one in control."

In 24 years I've had no accidents and only two traffic citations:

• 2005 - Driving without my seatbelt fastened.

• 2007 - Not having current registration.

I'd say that's not too shabby for an old coot like me who is "almost" as OLD as our beloved River.

i'm only thirty and have no traffic violations other then one warning for speeding and two warnings for a busted headlight. well... hopefully i won't get any real tickets anytime soon.

[blondboy (imported)]

Well, since my vehicle is a bicycle I don't get traffic violations. That said, when I use friends' cars (designated driver, when I visit them, etc) I have such a bad time parallel parking. I mean, I flirted my way through my driver's test when I messed up parallel parking (pulled in front-first the first time and thankfully through flirting was told to do it again and that we'd just pretend like the first one didn't happen). Now, since I was never good at it to begin with and since I don't own a car and therefor get no practice at it you can imagine my skill (or lack there of) in doing it. When on the rare occasion that I have to parallel park a friend's car I have been known to get to a spot, get out, and said to a passing pedestrian, "Could you please help me? I am a horrid parallel parker and these two cars (the ones on either side of the parking spot) would look so much better without additional dents and I just know that I'll give them some if I attempt this myself. Just think, you can go home and tell all your friends that you helped a blond parallel park. You'll be laughing at this for years and my friend won't kill me for destroying her car!" They've always assisted (thankfully!!). I'm sure that I'm now the butt of a few "dumb blond stories" but at least I haven't had to pay for any car repairs!!

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

Actually, I think River and I look good and pretty damn well preserved for two 3,600 year old mummies, MacAmom and RiverHotep.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Well, since my vehicle is a bicycle I don't get traffic violations.

Really? Where I live bicyclists are regularly given traffic tickets (often by bicycle riding cops!) The most common offence: failure to stop for a stop sign or red light. There are even a few given out for speeding! --FLO--

[Riverwind (imported)]

Yes my friend and I once were stopped in LA for speeding but we did not get a ticket, my friend was a cop.

How to parallel park,

Drive up even with the car in front of where you want to put your car, start backing up straight and when you see the cars bumper ( just over mid way through your door) make your turn, when the front of your car clears the bumper cut your wheel the other way, pull forward a bit. Its just that easy.

River