baby, comeback!

[twaddler (imported)]

1. Man: “Haven’t we met before?”

Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”

2. Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?

Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

3. Man: “Is this seat empty?”

Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

4. Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?”

Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”

5. Man: “Your place or mine?”

Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

6. Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”

Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”

Man: “But I don’t know your name.”

Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”

7. Man: “So what do you do for a living?”

Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”

8. Man: “What sign were you born under?”

Woman: “No Parking.”

9. Man: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”

Woman: “Do not Enter”

10. Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”

Woman: “Unfertilized!”

11. Man: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”

Woman: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”

12. Man: “I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.”

Woman: “You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?”

13. Man: “I know how to please a woman.”

Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”

14. Man: “I want to give myself to you.”

Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”

15. Man: “I can tell that you want me.”

Woman: “Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you to leave.”

16. Man: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.”

Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”

17. Man: “Hey cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?”

Woman: “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species..”

18. Man: “Your body is like a temple.”

Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

19. Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”

Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”

20. Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?”

[balletkyle (imported)]

Number 7 sounds like an invite to me.....

[twaddler (imported)]

Yesterday in Biology 107, my professor lectured on one of the most common blunders occuring in film today: the lies Disney teaches kids about animals.

Her story featured the box office smash Finding Nemo. “Remember how the mommy clown fish dies in the beginning, leaving the father alone to raise that one little egg that got left behind?” she asked. Yes, I remember…

“And remember how that little egg turned into Nemo, and the father-son relationship was even more special since Nemo was the last one left?” Yes, it was a special relationship, Professor…

“Well in reality, if that father clownfish had his whole family wiped out except one egg, he would have changed his gender so he was a female, waited for that egg to hatch, and eventually mated with his son, little Nemo.”

So, one point for Disney, sadly, as nobody would dare argue that an Oedipus complex plus transgendered Dad equals an $844 million dollar grossing movie. It might be a good documentary on E, though.

*** ganked from: http://ppcc.cementhorizon.com/

[wolfpuck (imported)]

lol that was hilarious. i'm cutting and pasting that and sending it out to all my female friends.

[Dave (imported)]

Your Biology 107 must be fun. But just wait until you get little kids and have to explain the facts of life.

I had a great chuckle when the two penguin movies came out and were "family" features. Penguins are the horniest creatures and they mount anything that looks vaguely like a penguin - males, females, legs, boots, walls, etc...

[Paolo]

Yeah, Dave, been there, done that...and just got done explaining it to 2 nine year old boys this past Saturday - right before 1 of them tripped over his own 2 feet and fell down and broke his hand! (On my watch, no less...think I'll sue the business where he tripped, it WAS on their lot and I don't like the owner!)

So after being Dr. Ruth, I instantly became Marcus Welby MD, then went back to being Mr. Mom for several hours. I think I feel like a clown fish now!

Normally, the subject would NEVER have come up, if not for someone's older brother and his big mouth.

At least now the boy knows WHY he has balls...and with another comment he made a few days earlier that almost made me pee my pants when he said it, I'm hoping THAT headed off another can of worms we don't wanna see get opened at age 9.

I'll warn anyone here who's even THINKING about having children (conceiving or buying used ones) who hasn't before - talk to ME first.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

Been there done that, got the torn, stained shirt. --FLO--

[Dave (imported)]

Paolo, all I can say is that's what being a Daddy is all about.

[wolverine1 (imported)]

I love the kids I can give back when I get bored, like nieces, nephews, those that belong to friends, etc...

on the other hand... maybe i'll just get myself some clownfish!

[twaddler (imported)]

I love the kids I can give back when I get bored

lol!! I know what you mean. I love kids, a lot, but I can only take so much before I get get majorly frazzled. There's only so many times I can hear 'Uncle Craig, time for a makeover'. (The last time I got away with a simple nail-painting (http://pics.livejournal.com/figarooplan ... y/00005dk1)... I was lucky -- I've had the full face and hair job done before... not pretty.)