embarrassing medical exams

[twaddler (imported)]

ganked from: http://officespam.chattablogs.com/archives/044899.html

These are the Embarrassing kind of mistakes that turns a doctor into a plastic surgeon:

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one. So I shortly after moved my practice and am now doing Beverly Hills plastic surgery.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, Beverly Hills, CA.

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Who is now practicing plastic surgery in Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg who specializes in cosmetic surgery in Los Angeles, CA.

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair who is now performing plastic surgery in San Diego, CA.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson who is now offering plastic surgery in Dallas, Tx.

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Currently a breast augmentation specialist in Staten Island.

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. Wouldn't submit his name

(Can't blame him!)

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[skivvynine (imported)]

Great stories. Keep it up and submit more.

[tugon (imported)]

When I worked in a hospital we had a patient who on his day off decided to play with his wife's dildo. He greased it up and began inserting the dildo. He was enjoying himself when all of a sudden the dildo slipped in past the spinchter. He waited for his wife to return home from work so she could take him to the ER.

After the surgeon retrieved the dildo in surgery he brought the x-rays to the floor. The image of the patient was sharp but the cylindrical shape in the center was blurry. He asked the nurses if they knew what was in the patient? A few could figure it out. I heard the giggling and walked over. The surgeon said let's see if I could figure it out. I looked at the image and asked "Was he here to have it removed or a change of batteries"? Of course the giggles turned to loud laughter.