The 12 Days of Christmas

[Studlover (imported)]

December 14, 1972**

*

*My dearest darling John:**

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real

Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure.

Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always,

Agnes

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**December 15, 1972**

**

**Dearest John:**

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine

two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.

They are just adorable.

All my love,

Agnes

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**December 16, 1972**

**

**Dear John:**

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I

don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just

darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love,

Agnes

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**December 17, 1972**

**

**Dear John:**

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really,

they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are

being too romantic.

Affectionately,

Agnes

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**December 18, 1972**

**

**Dearest John:**

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden

rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.

Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,

Agnes

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**December 19, 1972**

**

**Dear John:**

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese

laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh?

These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors

are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially,

Agnes

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**December 20, 1972**

**

**John:**

What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a

swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all

over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night

and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely,

Agnes

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**December 21, 1972**

**

**O.K. Buster:**

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do

with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8

maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure

all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me,

smartass.

Agnes

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**December 22, 1972**

**

**Hey Shithead:**

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers

playing. And oh do they play. They've never stopped chasing

those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are

getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds.

What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours !

Agnes

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**December 23, 1972**

**

**You rotten prick:**

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call

those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long.

Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is

a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to

give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.

I'm calling the police on you !

Agnes

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**December 24, 1972**

**

**Listen Fucker:**

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and

ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers

ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows.

All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to

death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,

Agnes

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**December 25, 1972**

**

**Dear Sir:**

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling

which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein.

The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should

come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss

McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been

instructed to shoot you on sight.

With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,

Law Offices of

Badger, Bender and Chole*

[n3rf (imported)]

Just OUT RAGEOUS. Did You do this to me too ?? Just outragos.N3RF

[Studlover (imported)]

Just OUT RAGEOUS. Did You do this to me too ?? Just outragos.N3RF

Actually, my dad got this letter somehow back during the Christmas of '72. He kept it in his files until his death in '91. When I was going through his "archives" I found it, but since lost it. Just now, I rediscovered it and thought I'd post it. I still laugh until I have tears.

Studlover

[Riverwind (imported)]

there is a recording of this from the UK, different names but the same Idea. The radio station in St Louis plays it a couple times a year. Now that I am in Wisconsin I have missed it.

Thanks for posting this, it is a keeper

River

[Studlover (imported)]

there is a recording of this from the UK, different names but the same Idea. The radio station in St Louis plays it a couple times a year. Now that I am in Wisconsin I have missed it.

Thanks for posting this, it is a keeper

River

River, never knew there was a recording of it. You say St. Louis radio station plays a couples of times a year?

When? Chanukah and Passover?

Studlover

[n3rf (imported)]

Well You are the Best. Noted my Electro idea and Question came up on GOOGLE.

I guess what we write here is all Public anyhow. But if MY GIRLS would go this far - well too many PRESENTS can make You this way. We all need the CALM.

EU CALM. N3RF

[Studlover (imported)]

Well You are the Best. Noted my Electro idea and Question came up on GOOGLE.

I guess what we write here is all Public anyhow. But if MY GIRLS would go this far - well too many PRESENTS can make You this way. We all need the CALM.

EU CALM. N3RF

Somebody has lots of time on one's hands (A-1??), could probably google the 12 Days of Christmas and find out how much it would cost to send those presents. It was printed in our local newspaper a number of years ago, but I also lost that.

Studlover

[Riverwind (imported)]

River, never knew there was a recording of it. You say St. Louis radio station plays a couples of times a year?

When? Chanukah and Passover?

Studlover

LOL

Its the clasical station and they play it once in the morning and once in the evening.

River

[Studlover (imported)]

LOL

Its the clasical station and they play it once in the morning and once in the evening.

River

River, guess I'll miss out on it as I don't live in St. Louis. (humph.come to think of it, I am blessed).

Studlover

[kristoff]

River, guess I'll miss out on it as I don't live in St. Louis. (humph.come to think of it, I am blessed).

Studlover

Locate the call letters, and see if you can stream it on line