From my resume

[JesusA (imported)]

Job History

My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't cut it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I thought it would last, but I just didn't fit in.

I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

[thefraj (imported)]

Hehe, too funny

Something that came to me today, not as good and a little unrealistic, but...

I tried being a vampire, but all the nightshifts sucked

[Slammr (imported)]

I wanted to retire, but my creditors said I'd first have to retire my debt.