Pilot Squawks

[Studlover (imported)]

Problem - Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

Solution - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Problem - Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

Solution - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

Solution - No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Problem - Something loose in cockpit.

Solution - Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem - Dead bugs on windshield.

Solution - Live bugs on backorder.

Problem - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.

Solution - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Solution - Evidence removed.

Problem - DME volume unbelievably loud.

Solution - Volume set to more believable level.

Problem - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Solution - That's what they are there for!

Problem - IFF inoperative.

Solution - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem - Suspected crack in windscreen.

Solution - Suspect you're right.

Problem - Number 3 engine missing.

Solution - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem - Aircraft handles funny.

Solution - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."

Problem - Target radar hums.

Solution - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

Problem - Mouse in cockpit.

Solution - Cat installed.