Darwin Awards 2006

[Studlover (imported)]

Darwin Awards 2006

Darwin Awards 2006 Some of these are bogus, not all of these idiots died. You can't win a Darwin award without removing yourself from all possibility of procreation. Either you have to DIE or you have to lose your gonads somehow.

In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin Awards -- the annual honor given to the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

As always, competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year are.............

* IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"--accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodb ridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue Workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. This moron should win! He really tried!

HONORABLE MENTION:

* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

* TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by&nbs p; two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it. "Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER:

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed His constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.' With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung fo r at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "S**t happens!"

[Defecation transpires!]

[Dave (imported)]

not only scraping the very, very bottom of the gene pool,



but flushing the bad genes down the porcelain receptacle forever!

[Studlover (imported)]

not only scraping the bottom of the gene pool,



but flushing i

s down the porcelain receptacle forever!

I've followed these Darwin Awards for years. These, in my opinion, aren't the best. The ones I think were the best were from the late 90's to the early 2000's.

Studlover

[HairyHarry (imported)]

How can the lack of a letter (helped along by the lack of a few brain cells) prove fatal? For Mr Brian Knowles of East Anglia, proud owner of a new house and a new pet (Samson, an adult male python), missing mail proved all-too fatal. Puzzled investigators eventually pieced together a likely scenario for Brian's last moments.

Knowles had omitted to notify the The British Herpetology Association, of his move. The BHA is a free and reliable source of advice on the care and feeding of snakes and reptiles. Unfortunately for Knowles the information he had requested on the feeding habits, likes and dislikes of his new pet had been sent to his former residence.

In the absence of any authoritative guidance, and as the snake had not been fed since arriving at the new home two weeks previously, Knowles defrosted a frozen steak which he then cut into strips. Opening the snake's cage, Knowles placed the meat on a plate within reach of the reptile. Unknown to Knowles, the 8 foot long Virtus Birmani, or Burmese python, feeds exclusively on live prey. The only live prey within reach of the now uncaged python was of course Mr Knowles himself.

Knowles' remains were not found for 10 days: as he had omitted not just to inform the BHA, but any other club, supplier, licence authority or council office of his move, the postman had not called at the address for over a fortnight. The noxious odour was eventually reported by two Jehovah's witnesses active in the East Anglia region.

Make sure you don't become a Darwin Award Winner. When you are going to move, contact www.iammoving.com - Your FREE change of address service. If you're not moving, tell someone who is and help keep our service free. Its new and revamped since you last used it!

http://www.darwinawards.com/

[Dave (imported)]

2005 Reader Submission

Pending Acceptance

DARWIN AWARD (17 April 2006, England) There's always someone who thinks that good advice doesn't apply to them. For example, if advised by a doctor that you are to be covered wtih a flammable material, and the one thing you must not do is go near a naked flame, most people would be able to take this advice onboard, and not strike a match until the flammable material smeared on your body had been taken off.

However, Phillip, 60, decided he knew better. He was in hospital for the treatment of a skin disease, which consisted of being covered with a paraffin-based cream. He was warned that the cream was flammable and that he definitely shouldn't smoke. But Phillip couldn't live without his cigarettes.

Smoking was not permitted in the ward, but Phillip took this setback in stride, and sneaked out onto a fire escape. Once he was in his little hiding place, he lit up... ahh. Everything went well as he got his nicotine fix; things went downhill only after he finished his cigarette, and ground out the butt with his heel.

Unfortunately, the paraffin skin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As he stamped out the butt, it lit the fumes coming off his pyjamas. The resulting inferno treated his skin ailment, and left him with first-degree burns over 70% of his body. Despite excellent emergency treatment, he died in the intensive care unit.

Using the Darwin checklist:

1.Reproduction -- if he has children, he's not having any more.

2.Excellence -- this is one that I'll remember.

3.Self-Selection -- he was warned that paraffin and flames don't mix.

4.Maturity -- At 60 I'd guess he was old enough to make his own decisions.

5.Veracity -- All the major news carriers in the UK had the story.

This ticks all the boxes, and though I feel sorry for the family, I think that it acts as a warning that if a doctor tells you not to smoke, there's probably a very good reason.

Link: mirror.co.uk

pending20060419-050307.html

pending20060419-051131.html

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http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story ... 16,00.html

[Riverwind (imported)]

I've followed these Darwin Awards for years. These, in my opinion, aren't the best. The ones I think were the best were from the late 90's to the early 2000's.

Studlover

I agree, the best two were the two guys that forgot the football tickets at home, they died and the two rednecks that went out fishing with a new truck a dog and dynamite.

River