Eunuch Foreign Policy

[thefraj (imported)]

Yes, I appreciate all the efforts too! I never criticized them, only to suggest an idea, - and probably a bad one at that. I never meant to upset LooseThem, and all I really said (in my first post) reguarding Barts article was (if you look back) "a little dissapointed with Barts article". Not exactly strongly worded. I was only wondering if there was a way to moderate future articles.

I'm sorry I started this thread, and certainly never meant to call into question the admin staff or their feelings reguarding the article. And certainly never wanted to cause some of the bad feelings I have.

_______

But I've been doing a lot of thinking last night and this morning. I'm so very greatful for the emotional support and hope (in some of my less meaningless posts) I may have contributed something to someone over the last six months or so.

But it is a question of identity. I know there is a tiny subset of people here who I am the same as - who never identified as being male or female. But there are far more people, who are here simply for sexual fantasy. (there's nothing wrong with this). But, after reading the article, and realizing that these people comprise the majority of people here - I begin to wonder if EA is the place I first thought it was. And then I began to question if I really belong here.

This has been happening since I first read it. I began by assuming that Bart had painted a negative picture of the community. But - really - he could have done much worse. Then I found myself blaming the people he interviewed - when I realize they actually comprized the vast majority.

So that leaves me, doesn't it? It is my fault for not being able to accept the truth.

My life is changing, and I have reached a point where I'm strong enough to go my own way. And I mean no disrespect and am not saying this to make anyone feel bad. Quite the opposite - in a strange way I actually wanted this to be "thanks for all the expeirences" - both good and bad. For having a chance to talk and hear other peoples views, even when I was being too stubborn to take them onboard!! Feel free to have a few parting shots if there is anything that remains unsaid! I will be around long enough to read them, though I will not talk back. And there are a few entries in my 'diary' that I would like to complete; Advice I found useful in coping with post surgical depression (I know a lot about this! And have people here to thank for helping me through this). In the hope it may help others.

Who knows, maybe at some point further down the road I'll find myself on EA again? So long as I havn't totally upset everyone too badly (with all my raving, complaining and radical ideas!) - and I would still love to keep in contact with great friends I've made here - so long as I havn't upset them too badly.

I don't know.

I still need time to digest these new feelings.

I'm not after "don't go" or "please go!". I'm just explaining how I'm feeling, and what spurred me to start the thread - which - in retrospect - I'm sorry for. Sorry to do further damage to this community that I thought I belonged to.

But I still need time to think about this, and let the dust of emotions settle (I know my new self well enough to know that I can do/say rash things when my mind is clouded with feelings... in a way only eunuchs and women could possibly know)

Sorry to drag you all into this turmoil

[Sac_mec (imported)]

Rog, I have had a period when I took "leave of absence here" and many people appear to need that from time to time. I understand how you feel today about this thread and the reactions to it. You are a great thinker here and you post with enthusiasm. I have enjoyed your "My (Sexual) Struggle" Thread and I was looking forward to you taking time to answer my last post there;(!!) I'd like to hear whether you appreciate my comments or not. No reply leaves me feeling sad.

But, I know that you know we share the same outlook and our Jesus here has outlined Eunuch values excellently in the reposted thread of his about Chapter 2a.

(Everyone should read his first post there, it is compulsive reading).

I know that many many readers and Chatroom users here have strong sexual desires and fantasies and come here to fantasise. It is a mixed up world isn't it and people are drawn here for all sorts of reasons based on their personal needs or whatever.

I like the title to your thread here and a Global Eunuch Foreign Policy sounds rather cool; of course that is just a title and not a wish for our Collators here,

who I wouldn't call administrators, ever.

Rog, I feel your sadness today, please have no rash reaction in abandoning current posts, please.

Sometimes we can all add a post here that we feel we could have improved on. Please smile, know you have lots of friends. Those with sexual motivations that come here have a different agenda; it may not be mine and they may consider my attitudes "wimpy" but we need to create a space that all sorts of people use and enjoy, so long as they do it wisely.

I'll close by saying that a while back I sought to get the "Jokes" section shut down. There was a poll and I expected that the integrity of this site would come before cheap jokes about UK newspapers (for example). However, by an overwhelming majority users wished the jokes to stay. It made me sad and I felt/feel that it undermines the value of the Archive but the jokes remain and I have to live with that. A greater good is done, for me, elsewhere here......

Please sleep restfully and sleep about this thread. Threads can go off in all sorts of directions or even fizzle out, which is a shame. Your input is greatly admired; know that please.

[thefraj (imported)]

I admire the administrators here and their constant battle against trolls and other internet problems, and it was only a suggestion.

Thanks Sac_Mec! I like the term "abscence of leave" - That's the best way to describe how I feel. The only reason I posted my feelings - is simply to not let anyone wonder whats happened if I don't post for a while. Everything is fine and you are all really too nice. I've never been to a forum with such caring people who have put up with me through some very bizarre things I've said.

EA and some people here have been with me through some difficult times, and I'm so very greatful for everything. And I think that's part of the reason I'm thinking like this. I've nothing left to say regarding castration - except for a few bizarre - and potentially meaningless anecdotes from my life. And almost everyone here is only interested in the "castration as fantasies". Reading Barts article again, made me realize it really was a good and accurate representation of this community. That's the other part of why I can't stay.

There have been a lot of changes in my life recently, and I've been feeling funny. Like this is the start of a new (and better) period for me; new job, new friends, new direction in life. And for the first time - plans. I have an idea in which direction I'm going.

I may pop in and out again much further in the future to check on people, but you really don't need someone like me around - and I'm not sure I would have anything meaningful to contribute, except my usual inflammatory political posts, and meaningless (and repetative) drivel.

Anyway, sorry it took me a while to reply to your post in my diary Sac_Mec! I will do it as soon as I finish this one. And I will try to write (probably at a later date) the last few entries that may be of any value.

[Paolo]

Sac_Mec,

I felt (still do) the same way about the Political Forum.

However, without it, Krister and I were running ourselves insane trying to keep all the political issues off of the Boards.

Krister and I had a long chat on the phone last night, and we both came to the conclusion that when the bulk of new posts are either in the WarZone or the Sewer, then we're doing something wrong here.

For anyone, is leaving the answer?

It could be.

Take time away to think about other things. Some years ago, I left, and it was a long before I came back. Looking back, my actions then hurt a lot of people in the process. The sad part was that I didn't see that then, and really didn't care.

No, we're not perfect, either. I know this will come as a shock to those who worship us, but we're not. I can make a list of character failings about everyone who is an Admin. here, but I won't. I'll use my own explosive temper as an example.

Bart and his article set me off bigtime. And it did because (even though I read it several times) I perceived - and still do - it as a threat and insult to this Community. No, I didn't much care for the 2000 GQ magazine article, either, as that's come up too.

Then again, I don't take Batboy too seriously, either, in the Weekly World News (A USA tabloid trash paper). Perhaps we should take a deep breath and not take this too seriously either.

I'm not apt to do that, though. That's just me. My first impulse is to go wild and destroy everything around me when I go off - and I go off at least 10 times a day! You have no idea how many monitors, phones, mice, windows, plasterboard, paint, paintbrushes, etc., I buy every month. I'm lucky to get 10,000 miles out of a set of 50,000 mile tires.

But as I've often been told - usually by local law enfarcement officers - when I talk, people listen - and they remember it. My ultra right wing Auntie says it's my Gift of the Spirit - God made you a loud-mouthed asshole for that very reason, she says.

I guess the whole point of this reply is state that I know, that we know, that we're probably not the best moderation team in the world for a Internet bulletin board. For what it's worth, I've seen worse.

[Sac_mec (imported)]

Just a repeated note, "please sleep on it" you don't have to be a compulsive poster you know - a small sticker would do (maybe that's an English UK only joke,) but Rog you'll laugh I hope.

I'm happy about your new directions and you've been so generous with your thoughts, ideas and time here and you have every right to feel fully inclusive.

I've not followed the US Press piece and I haven't reloaded the Chatroom since I returned because although I made many friends, they were outnumbered by "mind fuckers" (if you excuse my English). People who leech you for ideas and then just hang up without expressing any opinion. I've had enough of that, so I am missing out....but I realise that the Chatroom can be full of sexual fantasists, timewasters etc etc... but I have a different opinion of the boards.

Please hang around and put up a few stickers; no need for compulsion and a leave of absence can make the heart grow fonder. We all need it at times.

A gentle hug my friend.

[Paolo]

I've nothing left to say regarding castration - except for a few bizarre - and potentially meaningless anecdotes from my life. And almost everyone here is only interested in the "castration as fantasies". Reading Bart's article again, made me realize it really was a good and accurate representation of this community. That's the other part of why I can't stay.

This is exactly why that article pissed me off so much.

fraj, each day may give you something new to add to the insights of castration. Anecdotes are usually useful - to someone - if nothing else, to lighten their mood.

Yes, we do cater to both REALITY and FANTASY here. But odds are, anyone after the fantasy is going to find posts like yours and read them. And in the midst of all that fantasy or whatever, a dose of your reality will probably sink in.

All kidding aside - we had an interviewee in the article with an alter ego. That had nothing really to do with eunuchism, did it? Why was it even in there? I don't know. Krister dresses up as The Red Nun. I dress up as Darth Vader. Are we better or worse or the same? Do those with no testicles or low testosterone levels like to play dress up, then?! What do you dress up as, fraj?! Inquiring minds want to know.

Paraphilias? We started with a child molester wannabe. Pity there weren't a straight guy raping women and an oversexed gay man there too, to provide balance. But that's the media for you. Perhaps I come across as insultive to those in the article. I have no problem with THEM, per say.

Now, imagine the shock value Bart could have gotten if he'd interviewed ME:

Suffers (well, I don't call it suffering now) from hypogonadism, adult onset, and low testosterone levels. Helps raise 5 boys in a liberal atmosphere. Holds regular chats with them over male health issues and encourages masturbation in the bath. Provides pills and condoms to unmarried 18 yo. boy and his "wife". Dresses up as Darth Vader and smashes things on a regular basis. Enjoys anal stimulation in light of inability to maintain erections. Went from being attracted to boys (as a boy), to girls, to men, to women, then back to men. Has a history of drag racing with on-duty cops and covert, odd, sexual affairs in the past.

Now, would YOU want to hang around with ME, knowing all this?

I don't judge the interviewees, I judge the presentation of them. Just as I have presented myself here.

I hope this clarifies some things, as my idea of an apology to someone's perceived wronging I have done them is to usually shove their head through the nearest wall.

[Losethem (imported)]

Well I said what I wanted to say and I'm done with the thread now. On to other things...

[sag111 (imported)]

Well Rog i agree with Sac-mec dont just leave because everyone dosent see things as we do.I have been in your shoes many times and didnt want to post but I found if i think about what was bothering me I can usualy work things out and so far i have always found i was wrong in jumping to conclusions.I have come to look forward to reading your posts and watching how you are growing as a person so keep posting my friend........SAG111

[kristoff]

Roger,

One thing I am very aware of is that without testosterone, or very much of it (case in point, me), some of us tend to be rather emotional, perhaps flighty, certainly a bit exhuberant at times, lots of different descriptives. There is a certain tendency toward self-deprecation..... You are no exception.

You refer to yourself as crazy, blah, blah..... You are nothing of the sort, and I would appreciate it very much if you stopped knocking about an intelligent human being who is certainly entitled to some critical thought, emotional feeling, political value, and the willingness to share a viewpoint. Your input here is more valuable than you know, and especially at a critical time in YOUR experience, which is essential and critical to others in the same place.

I am not going to beg you to stay. That is entirely your choice. I just want you to know that your experience is valuable, pertinent, and important. Without self-deprecation or self-"put-downs." You would be sorely missed, as much this time as the last time you took your leave.

If you choose to leave, go with peace and comfort, May you have the best always.

K

[thefraj (imported)]

A hideous ogre, who spends his life wondering why people are scared of him.

Until one day he catches his reflection in the mirror.

At first he blames the mirror - possibly one of those funny carnival ones. Realizing that no part of his face had been distorted, he realized the mirror was actually quite unbiased.

He then looks at the other side of his face, only to understand why people run away.

The orgre needs to go and think about this for a while.