why?

[Dave (imported)]

#1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

#2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in the account?

#3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

#4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

#5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

#6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

#7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

#8. Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

#9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

#10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

#11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

#12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

#13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

#14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

#15. Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

#16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

#17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

#18. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

#19. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

#20. Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?

#21. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?

#22. In addition, obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

[HairyHarry (imported)]

If someone knocks my arm or leg by accident, if they seem genuinely sorry, I usually lighten the moment by saying, "It's ok, I've another on the other side!" Especially if they're young, female, and decent looking.

[Paolo]

Someone bumps me, I stalk them and when their back is turned, I toss things like lubricant, condoms, and Preparation H into their cart when their back is turned. I've also been known to unwrap a nice big chocolate bar and hand it to their child in the cart seat when they're not looking. Revenge.