Raising Boys

[Studlover (imported)]

RAISING BOYS

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The g lass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do

not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends,with or without boys do it because:

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control

[Paolo]

Been there, done that.

[Slammr (imported)]

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

I was considering it.

[Paolo]

1. No matter how good your response time, Lincoln Continental power window motors are not fast enough when the little voice in the back seat says, "I'm gonna puke!"

2. "That fart felt wet" usually means it's time to run a bath and burn the underwear.

3. Hearing running water in the bathroom when it's not bath time isn't good.

4. Pouring shampoo on a wet bathroom throw rug is not a way to clean it.

5. A boy can pass a chunk of fecal matter that is 10x larger than his anus. (Trust me)

6. An eye test will not improve a urinating boy's aim.

7. Oral laxatives never wait on the time the box said they would.

8. Never combine "Lincoln" and "laxative" in the same sentence.

9. Doctors who prescribe suppository medicines have obviously never tried to insert one into a boy.

10. It doesn't matter where mommy hides her vibrator, a boy will find it and use it as a rocket ship toy. (there's a video out there about that.)

11. Clorox will not get the skid marks out of white briefs. Brake fluid might.

12. Baking soda and vinegar will create smelly foam and blow the lid off of coffee cans.

13. Dog poop should never be put in a woodburner.

14. Never use that laxative before bedtime, even if you double the "wear off" time.

15. Never give a boy a paintball gun, who thinks there's a monster in the closet.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Having raised 4 sons and several of their friends I have never had any of the above happen.

Arrow half way through the dinning room picture window. Nobody did it.

The station wagon in the street. John is still not a good driver, but he did that at age 5.

Art 101 with blue paint - always use the fence next door, yes the one with the rustic finish. 3 boys involved with this one, 000 sandpaper is the right tool to teach the lesson. Dad used the paint scraper that fit in the drill motor. Boys worked 3 hours, dad 3 minutes.

Still looking for the one that put an arrow through the plate glass window.

And the list goes on.

Several years later my youngest son said he was the one guilty of shooting the arrow. Funny, I would have never picked him.

Oh yes, but one girl made the boys look tame.

River

[Dave (imported)]

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB&J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

From my years of slave labor in a video store,

15-A) WD40 does cure that annoying little squeaky noise in a VCR. However, the rubber belts no longer grip the drive wheels and make a funny whirring sound.

[Dave (imported)]

You can add this:

if you rewire a lawn tractor (12 horsepower hydraulic) after the wiring has been eaten by field mice, a small blob of insulating foam over the wires will prevent the mice from eating it again.

HOWEVER turning the battery compartment into a lake of unexpanded foam is not recommended. If a little is good, it does not follow that a large amount is better...

THAT STUFF EXPANDS 10-FOLD

[Dave (imported)]

Anyone Remember CASE tractors and backhoes? Good equipment. Well, they all have ther same key.

consider yourself wise, prudent and a "yoda-master" if when you said to a 14/15 year old boy and his two friends that your lawn tractor key fit the neighbors backhoe, you guarded your key made sure he didn't start up the neighbor's backhoe.

[HairyHarry (imported)]

A small boy, when told to put his maroon school cardigan into the dirty laundry basket, but puts it into the washing machine part-filled with white underwear and socks instead, will produce beautiful pink knickers, vests and socks.

I never found out what happened to the Canon cine camera, the digital watch with calculator/tv remote control feature, and several other things that have gone AWOL from my bedroom.

One day, son said that Tiny had gone into my workshop.

"That's OK."

"But he might do a poo in the corner!"

"He might, but I don't think he will, he's a good cat, but at least, he won't take my tools outside to leave in the rain!"

[I Worship Women (imported)]

Doesn't matter if they raised boys or girls or both, every parent has a list like that and can even write a book. These are some of the beautiful things life is made of. Remember, most if not all of the things your kids did while growing up that upset you at the time will one day be precious memories. Again, that's some of the stuff life is made of and it's some of what makes life beautiful and rich.