why castration or penectomy?

[guy26 (imported)]

Hi dolphinwolf,

It seems that you have not been satisfied by any of the answers to your original question--why would an average Joe want castration or penectomy?

Outside of my personal story, there are two points of advice I'd like to make clear: Be careful not to blame things on your sex drive when there may be another cause. And don't become so obsessed that you make a decision you later regret.

When I was a teenager, I had a terrible time accepting that I was gay. It helped spin me into a continuous three year severe depression with the addition of self hatred. I was miserable and I wanted a way out. Suicide was in the back of my mind, but I quickly began to blame everything on my sex drive. I wanted to castrate myself and be normal again. (I know this falls into the religion category, but there is more.) After leaving home for college, I was able to accept being gay and got over the depression. And now I am happy being gay. Logically that should have ended the desire to be castrated, but it did not. By that time it had turned into a turn on in and of itself, but it was continuing to be fed by the feeling my sex drive occasionally gets out of control. As years went on, I began to notice a pattern of yo-yoing. What started out as a problem once a year has increased to a quarterly problem. Now about every three or four months my sex drive seriously increases for about two or three weeks.

Why would I care about a temporary increase in sex drive? Some people might pay good money for such a thing, but I would not. A typical episode goes something like the following. Two to three weeks before I notice a sex drive increase, I begin to feel really good. I feel I have more energy. Things are going really well. I'm getting tons of stuff done at work. I'm picking up extra projects at home. I feel very focused and make progress on lots of fronts. Often times I feel arrogant and try not to act out on it. And most of all I'm just overall very happy go lucky. Then after a while I begin to notice my sex drive really kick in. It is fun at first, but then I get really frustrated and irritated. Things can get so intense that I can barely get anything done at work. Sometimes I get tunnel vision and can think of nothing else. I tend to withdrawal from people. Then when I am by myself for extended periods of time, I can loose control and end up doing dangerous or risky things. After a couple of weeks of high flying sex drive, things settle down and I begin to feel somewhat down and depressed. Next things return to normal; I swear that none of that will ever happen again; and I try to forget that it ever happened. Finally rinse and repeat the whole thing over and over again.

Everyone always asks, "What kind of dangerous and risk things do you do?", so I'll be preemptive and give an example. A year ago I was in the high tide of my sex drive. I had the weekend all to myself. I have a tendency to really focus on things at times. And when I get extremely horny, I tend to get very aggressive, become easily fixated on ideas, sometimes breath heavy, and have a high tolerance to pain. That day after reading a story on the achieves, I became obsessed with the idea of making myself pee like a woman. I went around the house looking for supplies to make it happen! I found a metal rod that would slide down my urethra with a little lubrication and work. Then I started searching the house for a razor blade. I could not find anything, but a used exacto knife. I moved the head of the rod so it was just below my balls and began to try and slice down to the rod. The exacto knife refused to cut. It was too dull and thank god, the damn thing was rusty! After the failed attempt and without a second thought, I moved on to something less extreme. I am so happy I did not think to use a kitchen knife. I had totally lost touch with reality and the sense of what I was doing. Later after I had gotten off, I felt terrible about what almost happened. I was like WTF was I thinking. And this is not the only incident where afterwards I have seriously wondered how I ever got to that point.

And now some may be asking, what is going on with this guy. After this last episode in March, I may have a plausible explanation--bipolar. It started off with me hurting myself in an unexplainable way. It was not serious enough that I had to seek medical attention, but my other half wanted to know what happened. The short version of this story goes something like this. I tell my other half everything that has been going on. He is in shock, but cautiously supporting. I suggest trying Depo Provera to end my high sex drive. I take the Depo Provera and it does seem to kill it quickly. A few days after the injection, I have a panic attack and end up in the emergency room because I thought I was dying of high blood pressure or a heart attack. The ER doctor directs me to see a counselor. After going to see my counselor for a few months he eventually diagnosis me with bipolar type II. During the whole time I am becoming destabilized, cycling like crazy (extreme highs and lows), and nearing a mental breakdown. My counselor was stressing me out and wanting to put me on medication. I decided to screw it all and deal with it on my own with no medication. I have finally stopped cycling every couple days. The Depo Provera has worn off. I am not so frustrated, irritated, and angry. I am sane and back to my version of normal. I do not 100% accept or believe that I am bipolar, but I'll continue to evaluate that possibility as things unfold in the future. The main thing is that I am totally and completely open and honest about how I feel and what I think with my other half. And I'm hopeful I was triggering my high flung sex drive and that it can be avoided in the future.

Before the last few months, I feel that I would have castrated myself. It would have taken years, but I was on that path. I was becoming more and more obsessed with the idea. After the last several months, I have not felt the desire to be castrated. I did not like the way I felt with less testosterone. And I feel that as the Depo Provera wore off, it contributed to me feeling unstable. I know without a doubt that castration would be a huge mistake for me.

One final note, I may eventually post the full details of everything pertaining to this mess. I feel I cannot be unique to this message board and it may help someone else better understand themselves. I have written a massive amount--about 40,000 words worth. It is an essence of how my life has tended towards extremes in one form or another. Despite everything that has happened in life, I am intelligent, thoughtful, caring, goal oriented, attractive, and successful. I'm the last person you would expect to have these kinds of problems.

Feel free to ask questions or post your thoughts on this.

[Paolo]

Thanks for sharing these thoughts.

If you want to share the 40k word one as well, contact me and I'll arrange to have it stored at EA in the Fiction Archive, but we'll work out linking it through the Boards here. We'll be sure and tag it as NonFiction, too.

OR when Talula gets back from parading, maybe he will have a better idea.

[SplitDik (imported)]

Guy, your experience is exactly the same is mine. I experience this vicious cycle (which I believe to be biochemically based) where horniess increases until I get into a zoned out condition of total preoccupation with sex, that becomes frustrating and sours into desire to hurt myself (which I do, seriously). After orgasm though, I almost instantly break out of the cycle (only to begin again about two days later).

To the original poster, you already have a long list of reasons for desiring this, why are you looking for more? The "average Joe" does not seek this. I would consider extreme body modification as a type of body disphoria (although not necessarily a gender dysphoria). So think your list is mostly complete.

[Riven (imported)]

I'd like to add that it isn't necessarily about hating one's genitals. I have been fascinated by the idea of penectomy/castration since childhood, but my genitals have given me a lot of pleasure over the years. I felt very proud when one of my early girlfriends said she thought I had nice big heavy balls. I haven't always been very positive minded about my penis. I was bothered about it not being straight - until I found out that most are at least slightly curved one way or another, and mine is only slightly curved to the left, which is the most common curve. I also suffered under the misaprehension that it was a bit small, but later found out that it's actually a good bit bigger than average. Like a lot of young guys, I also suffered from premature ejaculation. I'm glad to say that that's a thing of the past too. I don't think my anxieties were anything unusual, so you could say I was very much your 'average Joe'. However, it doesn't explain why I should have developed an interest in castration. This is just as difficult to explain as an interest in building hot rods, or playing a musical instrument, or developing an interest in sailing. Some of us know exactly what triggered our interest, others don't.

[kennath7 (imported)]

Your question is a good one I often asked myself that one

Ever since I can remember (5 or 8) years old I started having these dreams sort of like the stories on the e.a. story board they excited me I have no idea where they came from

When I turned 13 or so I began acting them out (the dreams) ending up in the er

4 times before adult hood from failed attempts

I started tying things around my balls started out with string ,then rubber bands from news papers , then condoms then I figured that if I used a banding device like the ones for farm animals it would get stuck on me and I would not get it off an complete the task

I can go on and on

trying every thing I could imagine that would not work all I know is I wanted them off and the moor I tried the moor I wanted them off for many many years I was a very angry and depressed person because I became a failure to myself and I hated every one around me because I was stuck in a dilemma I felt that I was the only man on this earth that had these thoughts it made me feel bad about myself until I stumbled across this web sight

Acutely through alt eunuch questions

Any way I am relived now and free I feel really good. Better than I ever have

I hope through my ramblings I was able to shed some light towards helping you find the answer to your question