Ambiguities

[Patient (imported)]

A fellow found an old brass lamp and rubbed a bit of the corrosion off it. A genie popped out of the lamp and told him, "You have three wishes."

"For my first wish, make me rich," said the fellow.

"O.K.," said the genie. "Hi, Rich."

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A fellow found an old brass lamp and rubbed a bit of the corrosion off it. A genie popped out of the lamp and told him, "You have three wishes."

"For my first wish, make me a chocolate ice cream sundae," said the fellow.

"O.K.," said the genie. "You are a chocolate ice cream sundae."

[Patient (imported)]

A couple had been debating buying a new vehicle. He wanted a truck, she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat-up old truck but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look," she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 160 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up, so surprise me!"

He did just that. For her birthday he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Nobody has seen or heard from him since.

[Patient (imported)]

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. He walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I have two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So they ushered the two chimpanzees into the back seat of the blonde's car, carefully strapped them into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was shocked to see the blonde walking down the street holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

"What the heck are you doing here?" he asked, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money leftover so now we're going to Sea World."

[strassenbahn (imported)]

This is for the German speaking members of our EU family, and for English speaking members who read the explanation at the end:

A German speaking man was in a London restaurant and had waited a long time for his food. "Waiter," he said, "when do I become my food?"

(Explanation for English speakers: The German verb for "to get" is "bekommen", which our restaurant guest has anglicised into "to become", unaware of the very different meaning of the English verb.)

PLEASE NOTE: this is joke is not intended as put down of Germans or their wonderfully expressive language. Though I am not German myself, I spent six happy years in Germany, as expressed by my EU handle, which combines my fondness for Germany with another interest, namely streetcars (U.S. English)/trams (British English). ("Strassenbahn" means streetcar/tram in German.)

[Patient (imported)]

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps and cried.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."

[Patient (imported)]

An American woman in Germany, meaning to ask where she could buy mayonnaisse (Wo kann ich Mayonnaise kaufen?) by a slip of the tongue said "Wo kann ich meinen Nase kaufen? (Where can I buy my nose?)