Chinese Sick Leave

[Slammr (imported)]

I think you all need to go to your rooms.

I had this uncle, he is gone now but back in the 30s and 40s he was a major league pitcher. Was the world series when in St Louis, 1946 which was a very good year. Anyway life after baseball, my uncle told jokes and stories. We spent the evening with him and the next day, he told one joke after another and not once did he tell an off colored joke, ethnic joke, or a joke agenst ones nationally. All his stuff was funny, all could be told in church.

Thank you "Red" where ever you are.

River

When I was a kid living in our Arkansas City, Kansas, there was a boy who told dirty jokes during lunch period. He always had a huge crowd of boys around him, and I never heard him tell the same joke twice, even though he told jokes for at least 30 minutes every day. It was an amazing feat -- and since it was before the Internet, I've no idea where he came up with all the jokes. He could go to toe to toe with studlover.

[Andrew (imported)]

You know, this joke is quite derogatory toward Asians... Not sure if I should remove it. But on second thought, it was a White Man who suggested his wife as a cure... so I will leave it alone.

When I first heard this joke (mumble mumble) years ago, it was about blacks. Later is was a Polak joke. This sort of joke tends to morph as the years go by, and the group that it is derogatory will change. With a few changes, it could be a Post Office joke.

[SplitDik (imported)]

Here's another accent joke (better when told in person):

On Veteran's Day, an elementary school teacher invites a guest speaker to her classroom: a student's grandfather who had been a pilot in the brief resistance to the German Blitzkreig into Poland. He starts telling his story: "Vell, der I vas gaining altitude over Krakov ven out of de sun appears two fokkers. I start shooting und one of the fokkers goes down, den de udder, but more came und soon der ver fokkers all around me. I started to dogfight ..." Just then the teacher breaks in, feeling compelled to explain to the tittering schoolchildren: "A 'Fokker' is a kind of German airplane." "No, no!" exclaimed the veteran, "dose fokkers ver Messerschmitts!"

[Slammr (imported)]

This was originally an ethnic joke, but I'll change it around some and make it a Texas joke for studlover:

Larry Andersen, late of Boston, Massachusetts, had been transferred by his company to San Antonio, Texas. He shared a cubicle with Joe Studlover, a native of San Antonio. Joe noticed that every morning, when Larry came in, he would run his middle finger past his nose, inhaling as he did. Then, when he exhaled, he said, "Ahh... Marianne."

Finally, Joe could contain his curiosity no longer. "Why do you smell your finger," he said, "then say, 'Ahh...Marianne?"

Larry answered," After I make love to my wife at night, I stick my finger in her snatch and leave it there until the next morning. That way, when I come to work the next day, all I have to do to remember the good time I had the night before is to smell my finger."

Now, Joe thought that was pretty good idea. The next day at work, after Larry had smelled his finger, Joe stuck his nose to his elbow, then -- with one long inhalation -- he smelled his whole arm clear to the tip of his middle finger. "Ahh..." he said, "Lucille."

Astonished, Larry stared at him. He almost had to pick his chin up off the floor. "Is Lucille your wife?" Larry asked.

"Hell no," said Joe Studlover, "I ain't married. Lucille's mah horse."

[Robby (imported)]

Can you say Old Fart? Well, here goes...

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens

several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeksof this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

[Studlover (imported)]

This was originally an ethnic joke, but I'll change it around some and make it a Texas joke for studlover:

Larry Andersen, late of Boston, Massachusetts, had been transferred by his company to San Antonio, Texas. He shared a cubicle with Joe Studlover, a native of San Antonio. Joe noticed that every morning, when Larry came in, he would run his middle finger past his nose, inhaling as he did. Then, when he exhaled, he said, "Ahh... Marianne."

Finally, Joe could contain his curiosity no longer. "Why do you smell your finger," he said, "then say, 'Ahh...Marianne?"

Larry answered," After I make love to my wife at night, I stick my finger in her snatch and leave it there until the next morning. That way, when I come to work the next day, all I have to do to remember the good time I had the night before is to smell my finger."

Now, Joe thought that was pretty good idea. The next day at work, after Larry had smelled his finger, Joe stuck his nose to his elbow, then -- with one long inhalation -- he smelled his whole arm clear to the tip of his middle finger. "Ahh..." he said, "Lucille."

Astonished, Larry stared at him. He almost had to pick his chin up off the floor. "Is Lucille your wife?" Larry asked.

"Hell no," said Joe Studlover, "I ain't married. Lucille's mah horse."

Slammr,

THAT'S HILARIOUS!!! I love it!

Hoboy, is that going to open up the Texas Cowboy/Sheep jokes?

Studlover

[Riverwind (imported)]

Slammr,

THAT'S HILARIOUS!!! I love it!

Hoboy, is that going to open up the Texas Cowboy/Sheep jokes?

Studlover

Studlover, you are so right, that was hilarious.

[Slammr (imported)]

Slammr,

THAT'S HILARIOUS!!! I love it!

Hoboy, is that going to open up the Texas Cowboy/Sheep jokes?

Studlover

Studlover: how about a chicken joke? It's old. I heard it about a hundred years ago.

The reporter writing this article was from Newsweek, so I can't vouch for its veracity.

A reporter from Newsweek was writing a feature article on the Texas cowboy. He was interviewing one such cowboy who spent his winters by himself in a line shack isolated from other people. After he had concluded his official interview, he had some other questions for the cowboy -- questions of a more personal nature.

"It must get pretty lonesome out here all by yourself." The reporter looked around. The cowboy had a dog to keep him company, he had his horse, some cows grazed nearby, and some chickens pecked at whatever they could find in the sparse vegetation.

"Yes, suh. It do get purty lonesome out heah."

The reporter looked away momentarily. He was a little bit embarrassed to ask the next question, but he just had to know. "I understand, since there aren't any women out here, that you cowboys will do it with anything that's available, horses," the reporter glanced at the cowboy's dog, noticing that it was female, then added, "dogs, cows, and...chickens."

An incredulous look of horror appeared on the cowboy's face. Indignant --standing up abruptly -- he said, "Chickens?"

[Studlover (imported)]

Studlover: how about a chicken joke? It's old. I heard it about a hundred years ago.

The reporter writing this article was from Newsweek, so I can't vouch for its veracity.

A reporter from Newsweek was writing a feature article on the Texas cowboy. He was interviewing one such cowboy who spent his winters by himself in a line shack isolated from other people. After he had concluded his official interview, he had some other questions for the cowboy -- questions of a more personal nature.

"It must get pretty lonesome out here all by yourself." The reporter looked around. The cowboy had a dog to keep him company, he had his horse, some cows grazed nearby, and some chickens pecked at whatever they could find in the sparse vegetation.

"Yes, suh. It do get purty lonesome out heah."

The reporter looked away momentarily. He was a little bit embarrassed to ask the next question, but he just had to know. "I understand, since there aren't any women out here, that you cowboys will do it with anything that's available, horses," the reporter glanced at the cowboy's dog, noticing that it was female, then added, "dogs, cows, and...chickens."

An incredulous look of horror appeared on the cowboy's face. Indignant --standing up abruptly -- he said, "Chickens?"

Slammr,

I just *knew* it was gonna happen. Just knew it!

Somethin' in my bones told me that.

Studlover

[Riverwind (imported)]

And the winner is,

Fumbles with the envelop,

OH MY Its a tie.

Studllover and Slammr

Honorable mention, Andrew

River