How Would You React?

[Studlover (imported)]

You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one

parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump

anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived

crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute

use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Computer Scientist: you design a machine capable of operating a

parachute as well as a human being could.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that

it will work in all cases.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and

dental floss.

Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them

of.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the

parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Judge: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a

parachute, you take it and jump out.

Economist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the

parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.

Statistician: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular

intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

IRS auditor: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage,

wallet, and gold fillings.

Manager: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work

hard and not expect handouts.

Consultant: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long

to learn how to fix a plane.

Salesperson: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get

the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a

neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

Teacher: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report

on how well it worked.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute

instructions.

Comparative Literature major: you read the parachute instructions in

all four languages.

Dramatist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the

character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Modern Painter: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it

works fine.