The Date

[Studlover (imported)]

Long ago, somewhere east of Hughsonville, there was a small

town with a big problem. Almost all of the inhabitants were men. In

fact, there was only one "eligible" woman in the entire town. And so it

happened that all of the men lined up to arrange dates with Elizabeth.

After the first few men went out with her, it became no secret that

Beth was less than desirable. She ate with her mouth open, always

ordered the most expensive meal, made crude jokes about her companion,

and rarely bathed.

A man who had spent an evening with Beth had a distinctive

look to him. He would have an ashen complexion, sunken eyes that stared

straight ahead, uncomprehending, and he would have a tendency to

shudder from time to time. It became commonplace for the townfolk, upon

encountering such a person, to remark "You look like you've just had a

date with Beth!"

And then one day everything changed; Norma moved into town.

The menfolk all fell to their knees, offering praise to the deity of

their choice, and flocked to Norma's door to seek an evening with her.

Chester, the town's most eligible bachelor, was the first to be granted

an evening with Norma.

The evening was a disaster. Norma, like Beth, ate with her

mouth open, but had far fewer teeth. That was, perhaps, one of her more

graceful attributes. She didn't use a knife or fork. In fact, she

didn't even use her hands. She ate with her feet. And she liked to toss

her food about the room, all the while spouting vulgarities that would

make a sailor blush. And the rude noises... well, suffice it to say

that a description would violate the norms of acceptable discourse.

Chester barely got through the meal, and gratefully

deposited Norma at her home. As he made his way back to town, he

encountered many of his friends, all of whom were curious about his

evening. As he got closer, however, they all saw the unmistakable signs

- the ashen pallor, the halting gait. One of them approached Chester,

put a hand on his shoulder, and said "Jeez, Chester, you look like

you've had a date with..."

"No, my friend," Chester interrupted, "this was a date worse than Beth."

[radar (imported)]

That's terrible!! I love it!