Driving Styles

[Studlover (imported)]

Driving Styles

Depending on where someone is from and where they are driving you can

make some assumptions about their driving styles and etiquette...

Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.

New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.

New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all

lanes of traffic.

Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on

accelerator.

Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver

staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40

in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car

behind is flashing high beams.

Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf

cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap

Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both

feet on brake, quivering in terror.

Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head

turned to talk to someone in back seat.

Seattle: One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot

on brake, mind on game.

Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between

both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on the brake, throwing

a McDonald's bag out the window.

West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear

window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna.

Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window

level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left

blinker on.

Edmonton: One gloved hand on wheel, one hand on heater, feet up

underneath bum to keep warm, 3 differently decorated ice scrapers, one

plastic, broken; one steel, broken; one pastel, hidden in trunk. neither

foot on accelerator or brakes because with all the ice on the roads,

you're all moving at the same speed either way.

Dubuque, Iowa: no use of turn signal, or left on for 26 blocks...also

cradling cheap cell phone.

Maine: Beat up 1983 Dodge Ram pick-up truck, right hand holding a Dunkin

Donuts coffee, cigarette dangling from mouth, greasy hair shoved

underneath an oil stained cap and classic rock blaring from the radio.

Vancouver: Canadian beer in one hand, B.C. Weed in the other. Dick on

the steering wheel

New Orleans: One hand on wheel, one hand holding down sum hookers head

while she's giving head!

Pennsylvania: Both hands on reigns.

California: (Bay Area / Silicon Valley) One hand on laptop computer, one

hand at on-board navigation/Internet console installed in dash board,

cell phone attached to head with microphone earpiece, having a executive

meeting with half a dozen people on speaker phone, palm pilot wedged

between knees to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes kicked off,

and feet crossed because traffic hasn't moved in the past hour.

Montana: One finger on steering wheel of jacked up 4x4, Charlie Daniels

blaring from speakers, dead coyote in back, hay leaves blowing out of

bed while going down the highway.

Nebraska: Two hands on wheel, with head lodged up ass, chunks of rust

falling off by the pound.

Quebec: engaged in heated political discussion with espresso in one hand

and croissant in the other, aiming for pedestrians who have the mistaken

notion that crosswalks are for them.

Michigan: Both hands on wheel and head up ass.

Toronto: Both hands on the wheel, seat as far forward as possible, head

fixed only looking forward, ignoring people behind and beside you,

stopping and waiting for the road to fully clear before making any

forward progress.

Los Angeles: Lowered Honda, can't see over dash, driving too fast or too

slow, car sounds like a bee as it goes

[Dave (imported)]

Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window

level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left

blinker on.

THIRTY FIVE - what weed have you been smoking? They drive 65 or 70 and they drive those land-cruiser-whale-boats or golf carts that they can barely climb into. . . yes golf carts. And GOD FORBID if they ever hit their age on speed (80, 90, 100), the car would destroy anything on the road it hit.

And by the way - the housewives with kids drive those "TIPPY" SUV's and roll them regularly on the highways down there. They don't know what fast means in a car and they drive those high SUV's at 65 and 70 mph... I have a friend who takes turns on two wheels in his van. I know my heart was in my mouth when he did it.

puff, puff, rant, rant