How to Identify Scientists

[Studlover (imported)]

How to identify scientists:

Chem Prof: Wears a white lab coat. This may actually be clean

but does not have to be. P-chem profs have a brand new coat that

has never been in the lab; polymer chem profs have strange glop

on their coat, and intro chem profs have acid holes.

Physics Prof: Wears blue jeans and a flannel shirt. May sometimes

forget to wear shirt altogether. If a professor is wearing blue

jeans and suspenders, ten to one he is a physicist. Physics profs

often have German accents, but this is not a distingushing

characteristic. Be wary of psychologists with fake Viennese accents

which can sound similar to the unwary.

Bio Prof: Sometimes wears a lab coat, though usually this is the

sign of a biochemist. Marine biologists walk around in hip boots

for no explainable reason, even in the middle of winter. They

are apt to wear grey slacks and smell like fish, as opposed to

most biologists, who smell strongly of formalin. Microbiology

instructors go around in spotless white coats, refuse to drink

beer on tap, and wipe all their silverware before using it.

Never loan money to a bio prof, no matter how much he asks.

CS Prof: Most CS profs are from India or Pakistan. You can tell

by the gestures and accents. This is not a bad thing, though many

of the American CS professors tend to pick up Indian accents which

confounds more specific identification. Like mushrooms, CS students

only come out at night, and, if not Indian, tend to take on a

pasty appearance. CS professors do not use computers and therefore

can be easily identified by their comparative good health with

respect to their students. Many CS professors do not even know how

to use computers, and are actually mathematicians or psychologists

in disguise. Avoid these people.

Math Prof: Math profs are like physics professors except without

any practical bent. A math professor will have only books and

pencils in his office, as opposed to the piles of broken equipment

that physicists keep. Mathematicians scorn the use of computers

and calculators and often have difficulty splitting bills in

restaurants. The easy way to identify a mathematician is by the

common use of the phrases "It can be shown that..." and "Is left

as an exercise to the student..."

Psych Prof: Psychologists are not real scientists, and can be

easily identified by their screams of protest whenever anyone

questions whether psychology is a science. Psych people have

beady little eyes and don't laugh at jokes about psychology.

If you are not sure whether a person is a scientist or a

comparative religion instructor, he is probably a psychologist.