Why Athletes Don't Have Real Jobs

[Studlover (imported)]

WHY ATHLETES DON'T HAVE REAL JOBS

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'

all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to

copulate me."

--------------------------------------------

- New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming

season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes

first."

---------------------------------------------

- And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own

mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To

win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

---------------------------------------------

- Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John

Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

---------------------------------------------

- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody

in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman

Einstein."

---------------------------------------------

- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going

to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is

beautiful)

---------------------------------------------

- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up

alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three,

then line up in a circle."

---------------------------------------------

- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter

Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to

prison for three years, not Princeton."

---------------------------------------------

- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a

color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how

to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

--------------------------------------------

- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of

heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at 6 o'clock in the

morning regardless of what time it is."

---------------------------------------------

- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to

Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's

expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an

aunt."

(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

---------------------------------------------

- Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him,

'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,

'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

--------------------------------------------

- Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he

told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like

you're spending too much time on one subject."

---------------------------------------------

- Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob

Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:

"Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye."

[Slammr (imported)]

Studlover always keeps us entertained with some great jokes, but these were some of his best.

Thanks,

[Studlover (imported)]

WHY ATHLETES DON'T HAVE REAL JOBS

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'

all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to

copulate me."

--------------------------------------------

- New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming

season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes

first."

---------------------------------------------

- And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own

mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To

win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

---------------------------------------------

- Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John

Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

---------------------------------------------

- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody

in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman

Einstein."

---------------------------------------------

- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going

to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is

beautiful)

---------------------------------------------

- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up

alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three,

then line up in a circle."

---------------------------------------------

- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter

Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to

prison for three years, not Princeton."

---------------------------------------------

- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a

color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how

to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

--------------------------------------------

- Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of

heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at 6 o'clock in the

morning regardless of what time it is."

---------------------------------------------

- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to

Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's

expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an

aunt."

(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

---------------------------------------------

- Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him,

'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,

'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

--------------------------------------------

- Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he

told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like

you're spending too much time on one subject."

---------------------------------------------

- Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob

Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:

"Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye."

Thanks Slammr. I always enjoy posting these. I try to find the most offbeat and sometimes controversial ones I can. Afterall, if we can't laugh about life, why live in a gloomy world?

SL

[Moreschi (imported)]

Yes - I've been enjoying reading them as well.

[Slammr (imported)]

Someone once wanted to get rid of the jokes board, but, isn't life a joke? No matter what you do, you die in the end. Might as well laugh a little in between.