Smile

[Studlover (imported)]

Just some funnies

I was in the Express Lane at the store, quietly fuming. Completely

ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out

line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when

the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and

asked sweetly, So, which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it

be great if that happened more often?!

****

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly

neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a

table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may

not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

****

The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would

hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

****

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the

aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed

her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front

pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his

credit card.

****

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should get used

to the idea.

****

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in

your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,

what would you like them to say?"

Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine

spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and

servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives."

Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

****

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to

you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million

dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks, "Can I

have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."