Actual Answering Machine Answers

[Studlover (imported)]

ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave

your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're

not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the

money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial

aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends,

you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of

money.

4. Hi. Now you say something.

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can

talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a

"sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is his refrigerator.

Please

speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these

magnets.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving

messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their

carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not

need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and

number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic

thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your

number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your

call.

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave

me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.

Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our

weapons

right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home

and it's safe to leave a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.

Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right

now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it

up

and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a

message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.