Foreign languages are hard to learn? Try learning English!

[Studlover (imported)]

The English Language

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned

to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise

on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at

your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was

time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to

sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither

apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented

in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies

while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a

guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,

grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of

booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it

seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but

one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian

eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a

recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run

and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while

a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in

which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you

fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by

going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it

reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not

a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but

when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Now you know, why I had to learn Spnish.

[Dave (imported)]

And only in English could Lewis Carroll do this:

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

'Beware the Jabberwock, my son,

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch.

Beware the jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious bandersnatch.'

He took his vorpal sword in hand;

Long time the manxome foe he sought.

Then rested he by the tum-tum tree,

And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

One! two! and through and through

The vorpal blade went snickersnack!

He left it dead, and with its head

He went galumphing back.

'And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?

Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjious day! Calooh! Calay!'

He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

Complete and utter nonsense that sounds like it actually means something.