Tales from the Emergency Room...

[A-1 (imported)]

McDonald's poster girl...

A 500lb. (227Kg, or 35.5 stone!!!) woman from Illinois was examined in a

hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR OUCH!

In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He

complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical! needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?

A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He

said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then hardened (no shit!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy, have I led a sheltered life!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!

A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room! Covered in

bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic seizure, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

[Dave (imported)]

I was sitting in the emergency room with a broken leg (spiral fractures, skiing-type break) and heard another patient describe how he fell on a screwdriver in the shower and got it jammed up his ass. accidently of course.

[A-1 (imported)]

Yeah,

I know the type. I took care of a guy who lacerated his rectum from falling with a plunger stuck up his ass, handle first, of course.

You know, living with a temporary colostomy while your rectum heals enough for you to be able to shit is a pretty stiff price to pay for just being a dumbass, don't you think?

He paid the price.

A-1

[Dave (imported)]

yes, absolutely.

[Arab Nights (imported)]

This isn't as good as A-1's concrete and ping pong, but here goes.

I used to live in Tennessee in the 70s and knew a couple of girls in the med field. One had a good laugh over a guy that came in with a gunshot wound to his hand. On questioning, it turned out the guy was boffing some other guy's wife. Hubby came home. Loverboy jumped thru the window and took off running buck assed. Hubby pulled his gun out. Lover boy put his hands over his plumbing. Hubby pulled the trigger. A good laugh was had by all (almost).

[An Onymus (imported)]

This reminds me of the stories about men who accidentally strangle themselves because they get more intense orgasms if a cord has been tightened around the neck during autoerotic activity. Never heard of women doing that, though.

[A-1 (imported)]

I have.

A-1

[Dave (imported)]

I knew a guy in college who died of accidental hanging while attired in a white wedding dress. I never suspected it. No one did, not even his fiancee... Sorry to be so serious.

But in terms of goofy hospital stories, I once knew a AK single Amp who hid his stash (Maui WOWIE) in the pants leg next to his stump. He said no cop ever searched him there. He had great MJ - He could do semaphore signals with his crutches and could hop farther on one leg than walk using them or the prosthetic.

To translate, Above Knee single leg amputee, really high up near the hip.

I also knew another AK amp (low) who's stump scars looked like Charlie Brown in Peanuts. One night we made it talk. Really grossed out the guests.

And the last grossness I'll admit to- was a BK amp (lover) who used his old worn out prosthetics as flower vases. He called then "Yurns" . . .He also had a thick, nearly alabaster cock that stuck out of a thick coal-black bush. Yummy.

[twaddler (imported)]

McDonald's poster girl...

A 500lb. (227Kg, or 35.5 stone!!!) woman from Illinois was examined in a

hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

I once knew this obese man, who while me and my friends were sitting around getting smoked out, pulled a large, family-size bag of M&Ms out from under one of the many folds in his abdomen (he never wore a shirt and often kept washcloths under his tits to absorb sweat).

We then had my friend, who was in the bathroom and missed this amazingly disgusting spectacle, eat them (he was quite high and had the munchies).

Good fun was had by all.

PING PONG ANYONE?

A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He

said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then hardened (no shit!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy, have I led a sheltered life!)

Oh, come on, this sounds like an excellent idea for a business: get a cast of the inside of your ass and make specially-fitted and sized sex toys built especially for you.

I hope he kept the cast... wouldn't that just be the coolest thing to keep on your mantle?

[jemagirl (imported)]

McDonald's poster girl...

A 500lb. (227Kg, or 35.5 stone!!!) woman from Illinois was examined in a

hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR OUCH!

In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He

complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical! needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?

A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He

said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then hardened (no shit!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy, have I led a sheltered life!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!

A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room! Covered in

bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic seizure, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

I can confirm the Ping Pong story as it is in the Amock journal. They even have a picture. There are also some other interesting stories in there.