Just encountered a mine field

[Kangan2008 (imported)]

We had a discussion recently about "did you tell anyone you were an eunuch," so this is sort of like that but much more difficult. Read on.

It all started so innocently.... At church on Sunday, one of the members (an acquaintance of mine) asked if anyone knew how to wire up a GFI outlet, as the place where she works has an electrical inspector coming and the maintenance person was wanting some help to have everything correct for the inspection. Nobody else offered to help her out, so I said that I would (since I have an extensive background in electrical work). I told her Tuesday morning would work for me, and we agreed to meet at the church parking lot so she could have me follow her over to the facility. It seems this was some sort of "secure" place where you needed a keypad code to enter. I did work for the DoD back in the 80's so no big deal for me, I understand security.

But that should have been my first clue that I was in for trouble. However... I showed up on schedule on Tuesday and away we went. Turns out this place is a shelter for women. No big deal since I am an eunuch and have no interest in women or men for that matter. My friend turns me over to the maintenance lady and she starts showing me around the place so I could test the outlets. She kept hollering out "Man in the house", so I made a comment that I used to repair the telephones in a convent and was not surprised by the security arrangements as this was a similar sort of place.... Suddenly she asked me if I would fill out a "volunteer" application. Now I was not intending to spend a lot of time here, so I wondered why that would be necessary, but she insisted. Second clue....

On the application among other items was a check box for "I agree to submit to a background check. Y. N." Oops! You see, I have a really old (4-decades ago and then some) felony conviction in another State for doing stupid things with a 13-year old boy that I should not have done. Decision time! Do I tell the truth, or do I fake it and hope they don't bother with the background check? But that would be risky and might even get me in trouble if they did manage to find out, so I decided to tell her up front.

BAD MOVE. I should have just left the premises with no explanation - no nothing - on some kind of flimsy excuse. But no, I had to be honest and tell the truth. Boom! The woman in charge of the place comes down on me like a ton of bricks! I tried to explain that I am an eunuch precisely to prevent anything like what had happened long, long ago in another galaxy far, far away, but they would have none of it! "We are a center for abused women. You have to leave now!" I went.

I think my gender (I present as a male) was also an issue here since there NO men are allowed in the shelter without a female supervisor! It wouldn't surprise me if they all turn out to be "abused women" including the supervisors, which might explain some of their seeming paranoia.

Speaking of paranoia - now I am worried that they might call the police and try to say I am some sort of molester or serial rapist who tried to sneak into the place.... And my friend from church may get fired for bringing me over there.... Yike! At least my pastor knows of my past and is also aware of the incident, but....

Actually, the real problem is that all of this has re-awakened all sorts of bad memories from my past, including a suicide attempt that very nearly succeeded. Ugh! A bit of a shock to discover that I am still very fragile emotionally despite years of therapy and a spiritual re-birth and my surgery and all that. You see I was abused as a child, and so I am also a victim just like the women in the shelter! Or at least some of the memories are back and I hate myself, etc....

I am also dismayed that their wiring is all screwed up and I really wanted to help them and I also donated over $100 worth of parts and a GFI tester to use themselves. So the "Mr. Fix-it" in me is also upset. But that is done with....

Anyway, I am meeting with my pastor and the friend from church tomorrow, but the shelter folks are really uptight and unapproachable (at least for now).

Pray for me.

[SplitDik (imported)]

I know it is a serious story, but to be honest I got a bit of a laugh picturing the uptight women's shelter manager, you trying to quickly talk your way out of something and only digging yourself deeper, etc.

I don't mean to chastise, but you shouldn't do electrical work for other people unless you're certified, as it exposes you to liability. I also don't see how it could ever turn out positive to tell people you're a child molester that needed to be castrated to curb your urges.

Regarding the women's shelter, I wouldn't feel too sorry for them. With any gumption at all the manager could get free electrical work from reputable electricians. I'm quite a sucker for sad stories and can never refuse to give money or help, but really you need to be really careful with getting involved with those that are seriously down and out. My father had a funny experience this past Christmas where he was donating food to a food bank and there was a scraggly woman who said she needed a ride back to her social housing. My dad recently just bought a new truck and it is the only vehicle he ever bought for himself new and this is the truck he expects to drive till the end. Anyway, the lady had two broken ankles due to jumping off some balconey while high, and on the drive she talked on and on about all the guys that have beat her over the years. My dad, like me, is softhearted so he even gave her some money. She hopped out and was walking away and he noticed the butt of her pants had a big wet spot. He looked at the passenger seat and found that she'd peed a big puddle on the brand-new upholstery!

Anyway, yeah it is a bit of a mess you're in but that's life. You can't take back your past and you're going to regularly encounter problems with such a history for the rest of your life, but you seem sincere in reforming yourself, so I think you should take strength from that. You are obviously kind and gentle and you should be proud that you have such humanity in you. Yes you are flawed, but most people are. In Jesus' doctrine, we are all sinners so accept that (in ourselves as well as in others) but it is the trying to be good and the desire to help and empathy with the human condition which is our salvation. I think you're doing well according to that doctrine so don't lose faith during this trying time.

[Losethem (imported)]

And there's the problem, you could have something happen 40 years ago that happened for 3 minutes, and you pay for it the rest of your life.

I probably would have said their choice was to let me fix their outlet for them, or stop with the background check nonsense. You're not planning to work there forever, just for a few minutes to fix their outlet as a favor to them - you're being watched and they don't need a background check for that, especially when you're the one footing the bill to fix their issue.

Other than that, if you left when they went off on you, I doubt you have much of anything to worry about especially if you're are not on probation or have other restrictions on your movement.

--LT

[Arab Nights (imported)]

There is a ton of good sense in SplitDik's comments. Aside from the rolling of eyes reading about the up-tight personalities there, pay particular attention to the comment about liability. My experience in life is that there are a ton of people who use friends or friends-of-friends or my drinking buddy's drinking buddy to get something done and those people, while claiming knowhow, have only the vaguest idea of what they are doing. You ALWAYS end up with things done half-assed. (therein lies one seed of humor about rednecks). The minute you saw the wiring mess, you should have just walked away. While those folks have good intentions in life with the women's shelter and all, they are a black hole of problems with a lot of gravitational pull. I doubt I would have thought of it at the moment, but I like SD's comment about telling them that they should explain the situation to licensed electricians and try to get one who would work for reduced rates or donate his time. Since it would probably be a male, they should have their act together before he arrives so it goes smoothly. What you went thru arriving there is just another red flag of half-assed management or lack thereof.

[Kangan2008 (imported)]

Thanks to all for your comments. The shelter is in an old house with all sorts of cobbled together plumbing and wiring. I told them they needed to hire an electrician, but they pleaded poverty. They do get money from the State as some sort of subsidy, but it is clear to me that the folks running the place are lacking in common sense among other things. They are terrified that some angry boyfriend/husband will find out where the place is located and bust in and start shooting or something. Barbed wire and power operated gate on the only entrance/exit. Heaven help them if they had a fire and the electricity went out. I especially liked the comment "

they are a black hole of problems with a lot of gravitational pull.

" I think I have sufficient power in my warp drive to escape before I reach the event horizon! lol

My concern is more about me - as I have had to revisit some really nasty repressed memories.

Thanks again for all the help!

[micdavi24 (imported)]

Your past is just that your past. I have something similar though not sexual in nature and it does sometimes come back to haunt me, but luckily through help from my family and through my church, I have been able to put it aside. Even after 41 years, it does sometimes limit my choices, but I don't allow it to cloud my life or obsess over it. Put your past where it belongs, behind you and get on with your life and continue to be the caring person that you have become.

As for the women at the shelter, they are the losers and are just so short sighted and blinkered. The mere fact that you were prepared to openly discuss what had happened should have told them that you would never do anything to harm them. Let them deal with their own paranoia and concentrate on fixing this new and raw wound to get back to a good place again. Speaking with your pastor is the best thing for you.

God bless and I hope you soon feel better about the entire episode.

[SplitDik (imported)]

The shelter is in an old house with all sorts of cobbled together plumbing and wiring. I told them they needed to hire an electrician, but they pleaded poverty. They do get money from the State as some sort of subsidy, but it is clear to me that the folks running the place are lacking in common sense among other things.

While I do feel sorry for the downtrodden, sometimes they do need to get their act together. With just a days work canvassing local businesses, any worthwhile charity can get a lot of help. My mother operates a big charity and she finds real estate developers that will donate use of a whole building for a year (usually an older building that is on the slate for re-development, but still a very big boon). She gets so much donations that she actually has to stop people from donating once she's covered the needs of her charity's recipients. She gets free press in the local papers because those type of papers get by on good human interest stories.

If you ever see a charity or social support situation that isn't doing well financially it usually just due to incompetence of their management.

Anyway, hope you're feeling better as a couple days pass by.

[Kangan2008 (imported)]

Bless all of you! This is what the EA is supposed to be for - a support group for us damaged humans....

At first, I felt like Humpty-Dumpty who had fallen a second time after being glued back together, but now I realize that I am encased in a silicone rubber coating and just bounce after falling! Hurrah! Praise Jesus! Amen!

My pastor has been a great help too. Special thanks to SplitDik for his insightful comments.

I understand all about liability - so all I did and intended to do was to test and inspect. The rest was up to them. Anyhow, it is their loss not mine.

Thread closed at Kangan's request. Thank you.