Songs about testicles

[XXX (imported)]

Balls To The Wall/Accept

Got You By The Balls/ACDC

Big Balls/ACDC

Ball Breaker/ACDC

anymore???????

[Riverwind (imported)]

"She married a man who had no balls at all."

The name of the song may just have been No balls at all.

[Dave (imported)]

what song had the famous words . .

"do you wear your jock a lot,

yes I wear my jock a lot.

Out in the middle of a ffotball field, you never can know what a heel will wield

Do you wear your jock a lot. . . .

Was it Jagger and the Stones?

[A-1 (imported)]

...for the generation who remained in the closet how about...

"Ballin' the Jack"....

heh heh heh....

A-1

[Paolo]

Paul Harvey on gonads...

well that didn't work ... unless you want to search your HD for "gonads" and open it up manually ... dang it!

edit 2 : that didn't read right either ... if your PC has gonads, you're in trouble! I'm going back to bed now ...

[JesusA (imported)]

With all the Brits reading the Archive, I'm surprised that I have to be the one to bring up that old WWII favorite "The Colonel Bogey March" as it was ACTUALLY sung by British soldiers while they marched along. Though it was only whistled in the film, "The Bridge Over the River Kwai."

Hitler has only got one ball,

Goering's are rather awf'lly small.

Himmler is somewhat sim'lar, And

Goebbels has no balls at all.

Riverwind brings up the traditional folksong No Balls At All, but doesn't give the words. Here's the version from my childhood. (This takes us back a half century!) Since Riverwind and I grew up at the same time and only a few miles apart, I imagine his version was probably identical:

Come all you good people, A story I'll tell,

A song I will sing how a wonder befell

A charming young maiden who was wed in the fall,

And married a man who had no balls at all.

chorus

No balls at all, What! No balls at all,

She married a man who had no balls at all.

The night of the wedding she lept into bed,

Her breasts were a-heaving, her legs were a-spread.

She reached for his pecker - his pecker was small.

She reached for his balls - he had no balls at all. chorus

"Oh mother, oh mother, oh, what shall I do?

I've married a man who's unable to screw.

For many long years I've avoided the call,

Now I've married a man who has no balls at all." chorus

"Oh daughter, oh daughter, now don't feel so sad,

I had the same trouble with your dear old dad.

There are lots of young men who will answer the call

Of the wife of a man who has no balls at all." chorus

Now the daughter she followed her mother's advice,

And she found the proceedings exceedingly nice.

A bouncing young baby was born in the fall

To the wife of the man who had no balls at all. chorus

And to complete the set, a dramatic declamation that kids of my generation made when there were no adults about. Mostly when we were out camping.

Twas the night of the king's castration, 'twas the night of the king's last ball. All the counts and no-accounts were gathered in the hall, when in walked Sir Galahad with his left nut slung over his right shoulder.

"It tickles," said Sir Galahad.

"What tickles?" asked the King.

"Test-tickles," said Sir Galahad.

"Where's the Queen?" asked Sir Galahad.

"In bed with laryngitis," answered the King'

"Is that damn Greek here again?" asked Sir Galahad.

"Ah, fuck the Queen," roared the King.

Forty royal knights were trampled in the rush, for in those days the King's word was law.

These lept, unbidden, into my mind when I found this thread. If you're all unlucky enough, I'll think of more to add.

[allseasons (imported)]

Once was an archeologist named Trossle

Who found a most interesting fossil

Could tell by the bend

and the knot in the end

T'was the penis of Paul the Apostle

[BossTamsin (imported)]

I'm really surprised that nobody has posted this one yet....

Do Your Balls Hang Low?

(To: Sailor's Hornpipe or Turkey in the Straw)

Do your balls hang low?

Do they swing to and fro?

Can you tie 'em in a knot?

Can you tie 'em in a bow?

Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder,

Like a Continental soldier?

Can you do the double shuffle,

When your balls hang low?

Chorus

Ting-a-ling, God damn,

Find a woman if you can.

If you can't find a woman,

Find a clean old man.

If you're ever in Gibraltar,

Take a flying fuck at Walter.

Can you do the double shuffle,

When your balls hang low?

(Substitute following for lines 5 & 6

of the first verse to make new ones:)

Does your sack begin to wear,

When you drag them does it tear?

Do they make a lusty clamor,

When you hit them with a hammer?

Do they have a hollow sound,

When you drag 'em on the ground?

Can you bounce 'em off the wall,

Like an Indian rubber ball?

Do they have a mellow tingle,

When you hit 'em with a shingle?

Do they have a salty taste,

When you wrap 'em 'round your waist?

Do they chime like a gong,

When you pull upon your dong?

When you dance cheek to cheek,

Does she stumble on your meat?

If you swung them round and round,

Would the wind blow her down?

When your girlfriend died in bed,

Did she smother giving head?

Although for some reason when I hear it in my head, I hear "Do your boys hang low?" I don't know the origin of these versions, but I have a feeling they date back quite a ways, and any 'ear' versions are PG-spinoffs of this more adult song.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Thank you Jesus,

That is the song I was thinking of and only remembered that one line. As I read the song I was singing it in my head, yes that goes back a long time.

The tune of course is used for several folk songs, one that I always enjoyed was Charlet the Harlet, the girl we adore I may see if I can find the words for it.

River

[Dave (imported)]

I heard it as - -

Twas the night of the Kings Castration and the royal ball was coming off.

Counts, no-counts, viscounts and dis-counts stood in the yard camel dunging each other (for in those days, bullshit was not yet invented) Then in came Daniel with his balls slung low over his shoulder.

.....

I don't remember the rest of that part.

here's more.

"Land" yelled the king, "I need land!"

whereupon the queen leaned over and smacked him in the nuts giving him two more royal acres.

"Balls" yelled the King,

"Balls" answered the Queen, If I had two, I could be king!" yelled the queen.

- - - -

"Where's the queen?" yelled the king.

"She's in the loo with 40 pounds of the best linen paper" yelled the guards!"

"Shit" yelled the king, whereupon 40,000 loyal pantrons squated and grunted in unison, for in those days, the king's word was law and the king ruled with an iron hand.

These were part of a collection from my college days that was titled "Hugh's Ditry Ditties" - - - I remember some of the other songs you posted.

At the end of Mixers, all the guys would invade the girls john and sing these things. It was called a john party!

Dave