Well Shucks Miss

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

In a crowded New York City at a busy bus stop,

a woman who was

waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As

the bus

stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became

aware that

her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to

to the height

of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,

she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,

thinking that this would give her enough slack

to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to

discover she still couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind

her to unzip her skirt a little more.

For the second time,

attempted the step, and, once again,

much to her chagrin, she

could not raise her leg.

With little smile to the driver, she

again reached behind to unzip

a little more and again was unable to

make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was

standing behind her

picked her up easily by the waist and

placed her gently on the

step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be

Samaritan and

screeched, "How dare you touch my body!

I don't even know

who you are!'

The tall Texan replied with a big grin, " Well shucks miss, after you reached back and unzipped my fly three times, I sorta figured we were friends."

[Slammr (imported)]

As a kid growing up in Texas, the following Texas joke was my favorite. It is an old one.

A Texan was on his first trip to New York City. Wearing his cowboy hat and cowboy boots, he was standing on a corner in Times Square.

Walking up to him, a woman said, "Are you from Texas?"

"Yes, Mam," he said, looking down at her.

"My God! You're big. I heard they grew them big in Texas. How tall are you?"

"About 6'8", Mam."

"That's tall. How much do you weigh?"

"About 350 pounds, Mam."

She shook her head: "You are big."

Looking around to see if anyone was close enough to overhear, she motioned for him to bend down, saying - her face turning red - when he did:

"I've just got to know. I hope you won't take it wrong, but how big is your dick?"

"About four inches, Mam."

She cracked up, laughing and shouting out:

"Four inches! My husband's dick is bigger than that."

"Four inches thick, Mam."

[Slammr (imported)]

Or another Texas joke, this one not so flattering.

A Texan was driving through Oklahoma down a fairly deserted road. Up ahead, he saw a car stopped alongside the road. A woman's ass stuck out of the trunk. The upper half of her was inside the trunk, and the trunk lid was down over it. Only her ass and legs stuck out.

"Help me," she said, when she heard him stop and walk up. "The trunk lid is jammed and I can't get out."

His hand on the trunk lid, about to pull it up, he had a thought: Could she see him? He asked:

"Can you see me?"

"No, I can't see anything. Help me! Get me out."

He looked around. There wasn't a car in sight. Hers was the first he'd seen in a long time. Instead of pulling up the trunk lid, he pulled down her panties, pulled down his zipper, pulled out his dick, and fucked her. When he was through, he got back in his car and drove off, leaving her stuck in the trunk.

She stayed there until a cop came by some time later and let her out.

"Who's there?" she screamed, when he walked up to her.

"The police," he said.

"Thank God! I was raped by a Texan. Let me out, please."

Her panties were still around her ankles. The cop had no doubt she'd been raped. He got the trunk lid open letting her out, and said:

"Mam, how did you know it was a Texan? You didn't know who I was, when I walked up."

"It had to be a Texan," she said. "He had a great big belt buckle, and a little bitty dick."

[Sweetpickle (imported)]

The three lies most commonly told in Texas;

This pickup is paid for.

I won this belt buckle at the rodeo.

I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

[Cainanite (imported)]

A Texan Rancher and a Canadian Rancher met one day and began to swap stories. The Texan was out to prove just how big and successful Texas really was.

Texan: On my ranch back home, I have over a thousand head of cattle.

Canadian: That's too bad. Can't you afford the whole cow?

Texan: When I grow grain on my property, it takes 15 combines to bring in the harvest.

Canadian: Jeeze, can't you find one combine that works?

Texan: When I drive across my property it takes three whole days just to get from one side to the other.

Canadian: Shit! I had no idea you Americans had it so bad. I had a truck like that once, and I left that fucker in a ditch.

The moral of the story... Don't try and one-up a Canadian. We have no egos.

[Dave (imported)]

The Texas Aggies tell a joke about (this is so politically incorrect) catching some of their men in compromising positions situations with other men. (be nice, I"m trying not to use a few really crude words)...

So when they found these men who preferred other men they used to punish them by amputating the middle finger of their right hand on the first offense.

OF cvourse, all sane people react in horror to that and say surely they never find them involved with other men a second time and the sad answer is they actually do.

So on the second offense, they amputate the ring finger of the same hand.

Now this evokes even more horror.

Surely that must teach those men a lesson that they never repeat that act...

But there wouldn't be a joke if that were true and as we all know, men think with that particular part of their anatomy..

"BUT SURELY," the shocked listener says, "you can't amputate a third finger?"

"Of course not" is the answer. "They ship them from Texas A&M over to the U of Austin and there the guys you see yelling "hook em horns, hook em horns" ...

(it's an Aggie Joke, remember!)

[Slammr (imported)]

A few Aggie jokes, obviously made up by UT people.

They had a power outage at Texas A&M. Students were stuck for hours on the escalators.

A group of Texas A&M senior boys went to New Orleans to visit the warehouses.

A sticker on a car window:

Before I went to Texas A&M I couldn't even spell engineer. Now, I are one.