While I love Chicago, I still find this short joke hilarious (then again, I love NYC, too): Chicago was founded when someone visited New York and said, "I like the crime, the crowding and the poverty, but I think it should be colder."
The Pope, Richard Nixon and Mayor Daley in are in a lifeboat, lost at sea. Unfortunately, they only have enough drinking water for one person. The three of them decide to vote to determine who should get the water. They vote, and Daley wins 6 to 2.
Man A: Does dis bus go todaLoop?
Man B: No, it goes "beep-beep."
Q: What's orange and sleeps six?
A: A streets and sanitation truck.
Q: What three streets in Chicago rhyme with vagina?
A: Paulina, Melvina and Lunt.
You know Elvis is dead because he's registered to vote in Chicago.
In Chicago politics, if you're losing, you can always go dig up a couple more votes.
A man from New York was visiting his friend in Chicago. One morning, the two of them were walking up Michigan Avenue together. The Chicagoan was filled with pride over the speed with which his magnificent city had been built, and was boasting about various important buildings to his friend from New York.
The New Yorker pointed to the Auditorium and asked, "How long did it take to build that?" "Oh, about two years," answered the Chicagoan.
"Not bad," replied the New Yorker, "but we could have built it in half the time in New York."
A little further on, the New Yorker pointed and asked, "How long did it take to put that up?"
"Oh, you mean the Art Institute?" the Chicagoan replied. "Less than four months," he boasted, trying to impress his friend.
"Hmmph. We could have finished it in two," the New Yorker said.
Moments later, the New Yorker pointed to the public library and asked again, "What about this one?" Now the Chicagoan hesitated. "I don't know," he finally replied. "It wasn't there last night."
(Historical footnote: The public library building mentioned in the joke is now the Chicago Cultural Center.)
You Know You're From Chicago If...
One can find lists like this one for just about every place, profession, hobby or interest one can possibly imagine. Dozens of variations exist of the Chicago list. The following version is just a short sample of the theme.
You know the difference between The Loop and Downtown.
You measure distance in minutes. As in, "it's about fifteen minutes from here."
You can name three or four extra taxes nobody else pays.
You know dead people who voted.
You know how to pronounce Des Plaines.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. As in, "If you're going to the store, I wanna come with."
Da is a proper definite article.
You expect corruption in local politics.
Anything south of I-80 is southern Illinois.
You can distinguish between the 312, 773, 630, 708, 815 and 847 area codes.
You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford, have in common and curse one of them daily.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You have used furniture to guard your parking space in the winter.
You drink "pop."
You understand what "lake-effect" means.
You know what goes on a Chicago style hot dog.