lay me or jack off

[twaddler (imported)]

The boss was in a quandary: he had to get rid of one of his staff.He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.

He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night.

She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the boss approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you jack-off? I feel like shit."

[twaddler (imported)]

A priest kept chickens at his village parish and one evening the

cockerel went missing.

At mass the priest asked,

"Who has a cock?"

All the men got up.

"No, I meant who has seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no, who has seen a cock that isn't theirs?"

Half of the women got up.

"Oh for goodness sake" said the priest, "Who has seen my cock?"

All the choir boys got up.

[StefanIsMe (imported)]

That last one made me giggle out loud

[Arab Nights (imported)]

The active priest and nun has a long history in the culture of Latin America.

I was looking over the touristy stuff in a shop in Peru. There was a wooden doll of a priest. It looked absolutely mundane to me until the owner told me to pull a string in back. When I did, a wooden hardon shot up in front under the frock.

In Mexico we were visiting an abandoned colonial "ghost" hacienda and one Mexican was peeking thru the gap in the old weathered wooden doors of the church which were chained together. I thought I was being clever when I asked if there was an orgy inside. He instantly shot back, "No, the priest is not here."

[Kortpeel (imported)]

"Oh for goodness sake" said the priest, "Who has seen my cock?"

All the choir boys got up.

A very good joke but all the Catholics who laughed are going to spend the afterlife in a warm place.

[twaddler (imported)]

A very good joke but all the Catholics who laughed are going to spend the afterlife in a warm place.

Bermuda? Jamaica?

[Dave (imported)]

Bermuda? Jamaica?

Kokomo,

the Beach Boys

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

A priest kept chickens at his village parish and one evening the

cockerel went missing.

At mass the priest asked,

"Who has a cock?"

All the men got up.

"No, I meant who has seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no, who has seen a cock that isn't theirs?"

Half of the women got up.

"Oh for goodness sake" said the priest, "Who has seen my cock?"

All the choir boys got up.

Excellent humor, you earned points on that last one. I giggled aloud as well.

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

A very good joke but all the Catholics who laughed are going to spend the afterlife in a warm place.

I dated a Catholic girl way back when we couldn't go see a movie unless it was approved by the Catholic Legion Decency.

Does that count?

[twaddler (imported)]

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"