The Testosterone Chronicles

[JesusA (imported)]

A couple of items from the Public Safety reports column of the Arcata (California) Eye. These were written by police reporter Kevin Hoover and are examples of his normal style of reporting:

"Thursday, April 15 9:21 a.m. A TransAm's inherent awesomeness was kicked up a significant notch with an impressive burnout demonstration (a symbolic representation of the young buffoon's ever-so-agile sperm motility, though he likely wasn't thinking about that, or much else) at Sunset and Western avenues. But the display of reproductive prowess took a humiliating plummet when the mouth-breathermobile slammed into a fire hydrant, unleashing a prematurely orgasmic fountain of wa-wa. As the dethroned cock-o'-the-block scurried away like a scared kitten in his crumpled chariot, an angered neighbor phoned police with a profanity-peppered report of the incident. As emergency forces sped to the scene, police handily located the slammed TransAm going nowhere fast on Boyd Road. Burnout Boy was returned to the scene to face the music, which took the form of police radios and a witness saying something along the lines of, 'Yeah, that's him.' The on-call Public Works tech responded and turned off the water.”

••••⁕⁕⎈⎈⎈⁕⁕••••

"12:36 a.m. The testosterone cascade continued on Tavern Row, where a small but moronic menagerie of menfolk argued, then found common ground on one point - they should go into the alley out back, which is one of the few places left that doesn't have cameras trained on it (or so they believed), and fight. For whatever reason (possibly the irresistible allure of boiling grease, the aroma of which spans all races, creeds and belief systems as a sort of universal language of acrid stenches) the battling boyos' slugfest migrated to the donut shop alley, attracting yet more combatants. A woman told police she didn't feel safe in the area, so officers responded and arrived seven minutes later. But attention spans being what they are these days, hostilities had trailed off by then. Needless to say, donut production continued unhindered."

Everyone likes a nice fight in the alley behind the doughnut shop. Everything smells so good.

.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Thanks Jesus..(Haysoos?) this guy is funny as a bastard...I like his alliteration...Battling boyos, etc...dragonfly

[Dave (imported)]

Drunks fighting don't last too long and one hint of police is enough to shrivel the cocks and balls of any alcohol induced drunk. They run like dogs with their tails their legs.

;);)

[mrt (imported)]

Actually in the real world the Police worry most about domestics (#1) and drunk calls.