More for Andrew

[JesusA (imported)]

FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE (OR SEVERE DISTORTIONS THEREOF):

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you are repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted -It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

[Andrew (imported)]

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when they came upon

this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing,

which was super. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be

graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty

years, at the same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been

years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook.

One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!"

The other replied, "No, it's not."

The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on

the other side.

To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's

clover!"

[radar (imported)]

Hey Andrew, that was horrible. Thanks!!!

[Andrew (imported)]

Hey Andrew, that was horrible. Thanks!!!

PUNishment continued:

"The first answered: 'The clover isn't the only thing. I also recognize

those vines over there. And look at those trout -- this is the only

place we've been to where they grab each others' tails, linking into a

chain of fish.'

The second conceded, "You got it. Brook, vine, and linker."

[Andrew (imported)]

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs

in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts

at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A

chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The

frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply

couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully.

The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs'

togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the

little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.

[Andrew (imported)]

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor

the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis

Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national

anthem. The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among

some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.