Good Ones to Start the Day Off
Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2003 3:42 am
Women's Humor
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He
yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
_______________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world" the woman says, "I'll miss you."
_______________________
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to
you really badly. She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a
good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and
fart.
_______________________
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you? She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them
and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she
would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a
trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she
had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female
companion 30 years younger....... Whoosh....immediately he turned
ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST: She's sitting at the table with her
gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her
daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the
cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He
yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
_______________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world" the woman says, "I'll miss you."
_______________________
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to
you really badly. She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a
good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and
fart.
_______________________
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you? She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them
and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she
would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a
trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she
had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female
companion 30 years younger....... Whoosh....immediately he turned
ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST: She's sitting at the table with her
gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her
daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the
cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.