Wow @magusuk89, a lot in here that I connect with. Sex for me is completely an escape. A place I feel welcomed and safe(bdsm aside). That is something I do not get on a daily basis. It is a big factor in how I built my current relationship. My husband knows that I like to have sex and in that our relationship is open. As a very open person, I hope in putting myself out there publicly I can help people, but it is true that sometimes it is something you need to find out the hard way.

justapup (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 11:25 am Wow @magusuk89, a lot in here that I connect with. Sex for me is completely an escape. A place I feel welcomed and safe(bdsm aside). That is something I do not get on a daily basis. It is a big factor in how I built my current relationship. My husband knows that I like to have sex and in that our relationship is open. As a very open person, I hope in putting myself out there publicly I can help people, but it is true that sometimes it is something you need to find out the hard way.

I hear you... and thanks for the mention -- I appreciate it.

I can't speak for everywhere or everyone, but I have this sense it is particularly difficult to find a sense of security in the world these days, and a lot of us are frantically alliance-building and trying to feel our way into what Orlando Patterson memorably called 'networks of protective power'. Often the currency we instinctively reckon is most reliable is that of our bodies and emotions. I hope the gambles we make pay off for as many of us as possible --- and I mean that principally in terms of our management of ourselves. As I said above though, entirely introspective responses, like Stoicism, are like eating dry toast. Hopefully we'll all fall in with a good crowd who can keep us balanced and afford some enjoyment of life.

Having just returned from a weekend of BDSM debauchery with 250 other gay men, my response to a man getting castrated or nullified to satisfy the wants of another is... DON'T DO IT FOR THAT REASON.

If it is something the submissive wants in reality, and for similar reason as most of those who are here and have been castrated have done, then it is potentially o.k. so long as the man having his man parts removed has done his research, carefully considered that for the rest of his life he will no longer have genitals (or testicles depending on how far he goes), and it is truly how he wishes to live the remainder of his life. THERE IS NO GLUING YOUR COCK AND BALLS BACK ON AFTER THEY ARE GONE. If a guy has any part or the entirety of his genitals amputated, there is NO coming back from it.

The threat of castration can be a powerful dynamic in a BDSM Master/slave exchange. However, instances of having it done for real for the purposes of living out a BDSM fantasy, are quite rare, and I'm guessing if not rare seem so, because a person who is having it done for that reason will suddenly wake up to the stark reality they probably shouldn't have done it without more careful consideration of life after it was done. Those are likely the guys who leave forums such as this due to regret and buyers remorse. Though many others have left because their goal was achieved and they felt they were unlikely to have any personal benefit from remaining in associated castration forums.

This comes from a guy who has had these surgeries himself (me), and spent this last weekend asking submissive men how much CBT (Cock and ball torture) they wished to receive from me. I told them they needed to let me know if it was a lightly reddened scrotum or a testicle ruptured, thoughI would never do the latter for a guy... too much risk in the moment.

All this is a long way to say, if you're submissive, and a Dominant comes to you asking you to cut your balls and/or dick off for them... Run. Run as fast as you can the other direction. You do it because YOU want it, not because someone asked you to. I know of one guy who did this to please his Master. Once his cock and balls were gone, the Master dumped him. For the Master it was a long-time fantasy fulfilled, for the sub it was a lifetime commitment he later regretted.

^ 100% agree.

Something to add from the perspective of someone in the 'medical reason' camp is that a lot of the erotica we create and consume (create a market for) centres pleasing another person because it's a proxy for the lack of agency that medical necessity imposes... but re-frames it to include some sense of getting back something in exchange, like value, attention or whatever.

Say someone with one leg had a sexual fantasy where someone removed the leg as some sort of domination game, with an intense concentration on powerplay between the two people. In reality that's crafting something out of what actually may have been utterly, crushingly meaningless, painful and undignified in the moment (say, a freak-chance industrial accident). In that comparison it's a hugely affirming act to eroticise it differently. Then add the magnificence of runners in the Paralympics... ... Essentially there's a danger for someone to want a piece of the action from media not intended for them/to attract them in that particular way.

As much as I'm crazy about having my balls out, and really appreciate all sorts of horny fantasies about that, at root actually what's going on in my case is a nasty combination of a congenital deformity causing frequent torsions, a resulting in an 8/10 pain condition, and nasty interactions with a systemic autoimmune condition that takes £100,000 p/a medication to vaguely keep a lid on... so...

Yes, to restate: the literature out there about doing it for another person exists not because doing others' bidding in that way is a great way to live, but because it is a more validating fantasy version of situations that are a lot darker.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 09, 2021 10:45 am I know of one guy who did this to please his Master. Once his cock and balls were gone, the Master dumped him. For the Master it was a long-time fantasy fulfilled, for the sub it was a lifetime commitment he later regretted.

A very insightful response. It is this last bit that worries me. I am sure that within dare I say it mainstream BDSM, especially in the context of your recent event there is a code of practice it is outside of this circle that the danger is.

jcat (imported) wrote: Sun Sep 12, 2021 7:39 am A very insightful response. It is this last bit that worries me. I am sure that within dare I say it mainstream BDSM, especially in the context of your recent event there is a code of practice it is outside of this circle that the danger is.

At the event I went to, while it's ok to do things which break or puncture the skin, it is not allowed to do anything that could be considered a medical procedure. So yes, castration would not be allowed at the event. They fit in quite well with the official policy here - It should only be done by a qualified individual.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Sun Sep 12, 2021 1:37 pm At the event I went to, while it's ok to do things which break or puncture the skin, it is not allowed to do anything that could be considered a medical procedure. So yes, castration would not be allowed at the event. They fit in quite well with the official policy here - It should only be done by a qualified individual.

That does sound more like a pain play thing than the social contract hierarchy and ownership side of things. I suspect instances of actual castration etc within BDSM scenes are a lot more connected to establishing social structures than straightforward thrill-seeking.

magusuk89 (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 13, 2021 5:13 am That does sound more like a pain play thing than the social contract hierarchy and ownership side of things. I suspect instances of actual castration etc within BDSM scenes are a lot more connected to establishing social structures than straightforward thrill-seeking.

Still, it would be wrong for a submissive to get castrated at the behest of his Dom. Dominants come and go, castration is forever.

Pain play can often take an unexpected turn, but that is why negotiation ahead of doing anything is important, it sets the boundaries. The submissive always has the right to withdraw consent. I always use safewords/signals when I engage in these activities. Because both the Dominant and submissive can let things get out of hand, so you need those signals for the submissive to use that are unambiguous. I use traffic signal colors. Green - Go, Yellow - This is getting intense but continue, Red - Stop. It's unambiguous and clear.

Losethem (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 13, 2021 8:02 am Still, it would be wrong for a submissive to get castrated at the behest of his Dom. Dominants come and go, castration is forever.

Pain play can often take an unexpected turn, but that is why negotiation ahead of doing anything is important, it sets the boundaries. The submissive always has the right to withdraw consent. I always use safewords/signals when I engage in these activities. Because both the Dominant and submissive can let things get out of hand, so you need those signals for the submissive to use that are unambiguous. I use traffic signal colors. Green - Go, Yellow - This is getting intense but continue, Red - Stop. It's unambiguous and clear.

Yes... but I mean that the phenomenon belongs to the social contract-y bit. If you want to stop guys doing it to earn points with flighty dominants (and then regret it later), the best way would be to make the boys less reliant on such people to meet their needs. In that sense (not to get too political about it), it falls into the same zone as poverty alleviation work, plus fostering well-networked communities.

magusuk89 (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 13, 2021 12:51 pm Yes... but I mean that the phenomenon belongs to the social contract-y bit. If you want to stop guys doing it to earn points with flighty dominants (and then regret it later), the best way would be to make the boys less reliant on such people to meet their needs. In that sense (not to get too political about it), it falls into the same zone as poverty alleviation work, plus fostering well-networked communities.

So how do you propose making them less reliant on "those types of people" be done? Well-networked can be a VERY scary thing for introverted people, which submissives often are. The solution isn't to make introverts more extroverted. That will exhaust them and turn them into zombies.