I sometimes answer the phone "Joe's Bar and Girl" or North American Air Defence Command". If his phone rings in the middle of the night my step-father answers with: "Who Died?" --FLO--

I answer phone calls in the middle of the night with:

If someone isn't dead, they're going to be...

My family had a similar problem when we first moved. The number we were given was xx2-xxxx. The number of someone named Mary had been xx9-xxxx. What drove us nuts was that Information was giving out our number when people asked for hers! We did get it fixed eventually, but we got real sick and tired of dealing with her calls.

About 10 years ago, the fax number for a new doctor's office in town was only one digit off from ours. We would get fax-machine calls most weeknights from 5 until at least 8, especially on Friday. The problem was that we couldn't just answer the phone and say, "This is a private residence. Get the right number!" So, my father borrowed a fax-printer from work and we hooked it up one time and printed out one of the incoming calls. Once we had the name of the office they were trring to reach, we called them with a simple threat: Get the right number to everybody or we start printing files and telling patients about your fuck-up. Two days later, no more calls.

I remember hearing a story of an old woman who had lived in her town for her entire life when a new hotel was built. Her number was very close to the one for the new hotel. After weeks of calls, she requested that the hotel get a new number. Naturally, they refused. Then she started to play hardball. She triple-booked the hotel. The hotel caved and got a new number.

JesusA (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 03, 2008 10:43 pm My wife and I get three or four calls a week for a restaurant whose number differs from ours by one digit. They even put OUR number in their newspaper ad at least once.

The restaurant was very nasty when we called about their placing OUR telephone number in THEIR newspaper ad.

My wife and I now take reservations for them, especially for large groups, and even offer customer specials on occasion....

Well done!

Riverwind (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 04, 2008 7:57 am Thank you all, I know what I am going to do, I am going to give them John's new phone number, now all I need to do is find it. I will keep you posted.

River

Give them Paolo's number I'm sure he'll know what to do with them!

Back when I had a cell phone - you know the kind that flip open and you pulled up an antenna - about the size of four packs of king-size cigarettes - I had a little friend in western Illinois who used to call me all the time. The first time, I had no clue who it was from the number. I told him he had the wrong number. He called me right back. I told him to check the area code. He said, "OHHH! I didn't know that!" (He sounded to be about 5 or 6!)

Thinking his mom is gonna hunt me down and kill me, I called it back later, and got her. I told her what happened. She was all over apologies. I laughed.

A couple days later, I catch my nephew, about age 8 then, talking to someone on my cell phone. It was the weekend, and incoming was free, so I was not worried. Turns out, it was the kid from ILL again! They talked for about an hour before I made him stop.

A few days go by, no calls. Then the kid calls again. He says, "Ooops, sorry, but is Nephew there? I like him!" I told him his mommy was likely to ground him forever when she sees the phone bill. He said, "NO, I'm using the neighbor's phone now."

I'm thinking at this point, OH MY GOD! They're gonna see my number on it for hours on end and all hell's gonna break loose.

First of the month, here comes the phone bills ... and the calls.

"Have you been talking to little Bobby?" (not his real name)

"Who are you?"

"Why didn't you tell him NOT to call back?"

I explained it all to the neighbor. Mom called again. I suggested the neighbor lock his doors. What really bothered me is that his mom DIDN'T freak out in that he was talking to some man on the phone...but seeing as how SHE called and got one of the nephews, I guess that made it OK?

If Bobby ended up with a sore butt, it didn't stop him. I used to talk to him a few times a week, and if he got one of the boys, they were to hang up and call him back so it was free.

I guess he must have been a pretty lonely little kid.

After about 6 months, he stopped calling, though. I have no idea why.

In a funny way, I sort of miss him.

Only I could snag a kid out of the digital airwaves...

***

Then there were the teenage girls who were insisting that MY number, right down to the area code, was their mom's number and that I had stolen their mom's phone!

They called ALL hours of the day and night.

That one got ugly. Real fast. I ended up having to tell AT&T that I was taking it to the police, as I had recorded the calls. I played them back for an operator there, including all the glorious teenage girl swearing and 'modern' terms they used.

A conference call from one of the State Boys I knew well at the time put an end to that when HE got hold of the mother and read her a list of charges.

Thing was, it took well over a month to put an end to this. Even threatening to break my contract if they didn't help me didn't get any action. When that contract was up, I did not renew it and told them why.

***

Since then, I've come up with all sorts of fun things to do.

My favorite is with spam calls and trying to turn them into phone sex.

"What are wearing? I'm naked!"

River,

Paolo wrote: Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:00 am Give John my best.

hehe

I have called ID now. I love it.

If it's an unknown name, I used to like to answer the phone with lines such as "Thank you for calling the Chicken Ranch. All of our ladies are currently busy assisting other customers."

My boss used to answer the phone as Pizza Hut, then ask if they'd like to order since they already called anyway.

What the hell - have some fun with it!

Next time they ask for John, just go with it and see what they say!

Yeah, Just say,

"Hello, River's Chicken Ranch."

"Is John there?"

"Hell yes, the place is full of Johns, but they won't tell us their names, they sometimes tell the ladies, though. Would you like to talk to one of out ladies? Just give us your name and telephone number and we will call you right back."

The go HERE (http://www.sexsearchcom.com/5847/1ron120ban3) and post their information.

I'm with Dave. When I get a call in the middle of the night I really do answer it with, "Somebody better be fucking dead."

If I'm in a jaunty mood I answer with a classic Cheech & Chong, "Dave's not here" and hang up.

T.

yesterday I got my daily computer generated call telling me that this was important so I stayed on the line. press 1, OK please wait, WAIT, you called me, little voice says 'how can I help you?' I said, 'by taking my number off there FU___N Computer Generated Caller, I am on the no call list so don't let it happen again'.

she hung up and did not even say goodbye.

Cant wait for the next one, D:D

No calls for John yet, maybe the last guy called everybody on Johns call list and told him that he was dead.

Keep you posted,

River

Riverwind (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:06 am yesterday I got my daily computer generated call telling me that this was important so I stayed on the line. press 1, OK please wait, WAIT, you called me, little voice says 'how can I help you?' I said, 'by taking my number off there FU___N Computer Generated Caller, I am on the no call list so don't let it happen again'.

she hung up and did not even say goodbye.

Cant wait for the next one, D:D

No calls for John yet, maybe the last guy called everybody on Johns call list and told him that he was dead.

Keep you posted,

River

Long ago I lived for a couple of months in a shared communal house which had "members" moving in and out every so often. We had one who ran up tons of credit card debt, then skipped town. I worked nights then, and kept getting awakened by bill collector calls during the day when trying to sleep. One particular woman was so persistent, claiming not to believe me, that I was not the former roomie, etc.... I told her to believe this:

I blew a steel whistle in her ear as hard as I could.

She called back in a couple of minutes, presumably after her ears quieted down. She started cursing and yelling at me, so I did it again and hung up. Five minutes later her boss called, and I did it to him too. Never heard from them again. Some folks were talking elsewhere about stupid people...