The Asexuailty Movement

[JesusA (imported)]

While it doesn’t quite fit here, this article about AVEN (www.asexuality.org) and the asexuality movement is, in some ways, parallel to the struggles of the voluntary eunuch community, though they are making more progress toward recognition. While I didn’t post them here, the MANY comments on the article on the ABC News site are quite enlightening. (There were 115 comments by the time I copied this article to paste here.) They show just how much difficulty there will be in gaining full acceptance of anything outside the heteronormative sexual binary. Gays have it easy compared to some other groups!

Asexuals Push for Greater Recognition

Those Who Have No Interest in Sex Want More Awareness of Orientation

By DAN CHILDS

ABC News Medical Unit

Jan. 16, 2009

In a society obsessed with sex, David Jay wants no part of it.

Jay, a 26-year-old graduate student at the Presidio School of Management in San Francisco, acknowledges that his lack of interest in sex may seem unusual to many who view intercourse as the epitome of intimacy.

But research suggests that about 1 percent of the population may share Jay's view on sex. And he said that for many of these people, coming to terms with their feelings about sex can be a major challenge.

"When I was younger, the message I would always hear is that you need sex to be happy," he said. "I realized probably around the age of 14 or 15 that all of my friends were actively talking about sex. I just couldn't relate to it; I had no interest at all."

Jay said that it took him about four years of struggling to adjust to the fact that he simply did not view sex in the same way as most other people.

"It was really scary, really frightening," Jay said. "I think that throughout the asexual community, there are a lot of people who really start in that place of being isolated and confused."

Jay says it's his choice not to engage in sex. To be sure, there are millions of other people who have no interest in sex or are unable to perform sexually who are not at all happy to be members of this club. For them, a variety of psychiatric and medical procedures are available.

But asexuals like Jay are perfectly happy to take a pass on sex. Today, Jay is one of the most prominent voices in the asexuality community. In 2001, he started the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) with the aim of providing a community for people who identify themselves as asexual.

And he said that while one of the primary aims of the group is to foster a greater general understanding of asexuality, this does not mean that there should be less talk about sex. In fact, he believes more such talk is needed.

"The problem is not that there is too much discussion about sex; 99 percent of the world really, really likes sex, so it is something that should be talked about openly and honestly," Jay said. "But we need to have more discussion about how people can not have sex and still be happy."

Recently, Jay and others within AVEN began lobbying for greater understanding of asexuality among the psychological community as well. Their message is simple: they want increased recognition of asexuality among psychological professionals -- while ensuring that it is seen as a legitimate sexual orientation rather than diagnosed as a mental illness.

The group's current goal is to foster greater understanding among the architects of the new version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which is scheduled for release in 2012. The DSM, which is published by the American Psychiatric Association, provides diagnostic criteria for mental disorders.

Asexuality researcher Lori Brotto, assistant professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the University of British Columbia, is one of the medical experts working with AVEN toward this goal. And she said it is little surprise that this confusion exists -- not only in the clinical realm, but among the general public as well.

"Because asexuality is a relatively new phenomenon that has been described -- not that it hasn't existed for many, many centuries -- people don't understand what it is," Brotto said. "Because most people can identify with the feeling of sexual attraction, the notion that someone would not have sexual attraction toward anyone seems bizarre."

The 'Missing' Sexual Orientation

Hints of the existence of asexuality have appeared in the scientific literature since the 1940s. But it was not until more than a half century later that Anthony Bogaert, professor and chair of the department of community health sciences at Brock University in Ontario, Canada, took a closer look at those who professed to have no sexual attraction whatsoever to either men or women.

Bogaert's 2004 study is viewed by some as the first solid toehold for asexuality in the spectrum of sexual orientation -- a group which until recently had been comprised only of three categories: heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. In it, Bogaert looked at data from a survey of more than 18,000 British residents and examined their answers on a particular question on sexual attraction to others. While five of the possible answers to the question focused on varying levels of attraction to males or females, the sixth answer that respondents could choose read "I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all."

"About 1 percent of individuals reported having no sexual attraction to anyone at all," he said. "This was the missing fourth category of sexual orientation."

What followed this finding was much discussion over whether asexuality should be seen as a distinct sexual orientation or treated as a pathological condition -- a debate that largely persists until today.

Prior to this research, and even until today, asexual tendencies were generally assumed to be a sign of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) -- in other words, a low sex drive. It is a distinction with which the psychological community still wrestles.

"It is very hard to distinguish between asexuality and insufficient capability for desire or arousal or both," said Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle. "Perhaps the difference is how the person -- or their partner -- feels about it. The literature is certainly inadequate for differentiation between the two."

An Intimate Relationship -- Without the Sex

Bogaert said that a lack of widespread understanding about asexuality means that many of these individuals face many challenges -- particularly in a society that seems fixated on sex.

"A big part of our media and culture expects people to have romantic/sexual relationships with others," he said. "The norm is for someone to form romantic sexual relationships with other people."

This norm, Bogaert noted, often poses problems for asexuals, who may be interested in romance and intimacy, but not in sex.

"[Asexuals] may want to pair-bond with another individual, and most likely they will be pair-bonding with someone who's sexual," he said. "So then you often have pressure placed on the asexual person to have sex within the relationship, even if he or she really doesn't want to have sex."

Eli Coleman, professor and director of the program in human sexuality at the University of Minnesota Medical School, said that this clash of expectations could lead to serious relationship stress.

"The biggest challenge would be the pressure to become sexual," Coleman said. "Asexuality has been assumed to be abnormal. Sexual drive is a basic and fundamental appetitive drive and would be the expected norm."

Jay agreed that the subject of relationships is complex when asexuality enters the picture. "I think it's a very tricky issue," said Jay, who has himself never had sex but has been in relationships in which he engaged in a certain degree of sexual activity.

"There are plenty of people in the asexual community who have relationships with sexual people and have those relationships work," he said. "The sense that I have is that if sex is something that one person in the relationship wants, that's one thing. If that is the only way that they can communicate intimacy, then that's another issue."

Another option, of course, is for those who are asexual to form relationships with each other. Jay said that there is an emerging asexual dating scene, and some online dating services geared toward asexuals have appeared.

What is an asexual relationship like? Jay likened it to an intimate partnering of "very, very close best friends."

Pushing for a Change

Advocates say there is much to be gained from a greater awareness within the psychological community of asexuality, particularly when it comes to ensuring that the DSM does not treat asexuality as a disorder that must be treated.

"The fear is that with a new definition, asexuality would somehow make its way into the DSM and be considered a psychological illness," Brotto said.

For something to be considered a psychological illness, Brotto said, "a person needs to be distressed or bothered by the condition. Asexual people are not. Their only distress is distress over the idea that they will not be accepted by society."

"This is certainly not a sexual dysfunction, and it is certainly not a mental disorder."

But not all psychologists agree.

"Given that I believe our sexuality is a great emotional and physical asset, it is hard for me to think asexuality is appropriate to declassify," Schwartz said. "On the other hand, we certainly do not want to oppress someone who is happily asexual and does not have a deprived partner."

Still, Jay said that he believes AVEM is making significant progress with those behind the DSM. And he said that he is hopeful that greater understanding among the public in general will follow.

"The take-home point should really be a question they ask themselves," he said. "That question is: Why does sex matter so much?"

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNe ... 358&page=1

[homptydumpty (imported)]

What a great topic to bring to light.

Being a eunuch I do sometimes feel the clutches of asexuality. This is not really a problem until you start interacting with people who are attracted to you, or if your dating trying to explain those feeling to someone is hard.

The thought of sex at some times is for me non existent. sometimes. Yet other times I have a strong desire and willingness to explore my changing sexuality.

Maybe at some time, threw some portion of our existence or rather life we all feel asexual. After all, as a young child we do not really have a sexuality, and isn't that lack of sexuality asexuality?

z

[calmeilles (imported)]

Asexuality seems to be coming out of the closet. There was this article (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/ ... dwellbeing)in The Guardian last year

'We're married, we just don't have sex'

Despite not being physically attracted to other people, Paul Cox, 24, explains how he and his wife found love and happiness as an asexual couple

Paul Cox

The Guardian, Monday 8 September 2008

People wonder why asexuals bother to get together, but Amanda and I have been happily married for nine months now and we're both still virgins. Some people even think asexuality doesn't exist. It's so under represented, I can understand why people are skeptical. I was too, even though I was perfectly used to thinking of myself in this way. For years I just thought I was the only person in the world who felt like this.

My parents are agricultural scientists, so I've lived overseas since around the age of 10. I was in India until I was 16, then Zimbabwe for two years, and then Kuwait. I studied in China and New York, before settling in London. Even at 10, I had a sense that I didn't want to get married and have children. I know a lot of kids say things like that, but I didn't change my mind about it later on. I wasn't interested in relationships or finding a girlfriend, and was very sure I didn't have an interest in boys either.

Gradually my school friends spent more and more time talking about girls and pursuing relationships, but I could never grasp what they were expecting to get out of it. There were family parties in India where all the kids would gather outside in the garden.

I was 13 and had a best friend, Kasim, who was a year younger than me. He had a crush on an Australian girl called Jessica - everyone seemed to think she was the prettiest. We had lots of whispered discussions about what he could say to her, and even though I thought it was a ridiculous game, I wanted to fit in, so I pretended I had a crush too - on a French girl called Sylvie. She was a safe bet because she was so unlikely to reciprocate. I knew she wasn't at all interested in me. I'd just discuss her with the boys.

There were times as I got older when girls did seem interested in me, but I always deliberately ignored their signals. I wanted to avoid getting into a situation I'd feel uncomfortable with, so I never even kissed a girl. The first girl I kissed became my wife.

When I was 13, my father gave me a book on sex education. I felt as if I was reading about a foreign culture; I just couldn't see why anyone would go to so much trouble just to have sex. I tried looking at pornography on the internet. I wasn't disgusted or appalled - it was just boring, like looking at wallpaper.

Masturbation was another topic of conversation in those days, and I did masturbate. It wasn't a sexual urge for me, I didn't fantasise, it was just something my body decided to do. People say about asexuals: "But if they masturbate doesn't that make them sexual?" It's hard to explain, but if you're asexual you don't necessarily feel an explicit connection between masturbation and sexual orientation. It's just part of having a human body - a physical, biological process.

After we moved to Zimbabwe I went back to visit my old friend Kasim. The last time we'd seen each other we'd been into computer games, drinking Coke and going for pizza. Two years on, it was a shock to see how much Kasim had changed. Sex was his major preoccupation. He had a girlfriend and was on the brink of going all the way with her. One afternoon we were with some of Kasim's friends, and he began goading two of the girls into kissing each other in front of a camera. The whole atmosphere was really charged, and I felt out of my depth. I'd fallen behind. Kasim had been my friend a long time, but he'd entered this different world without me.

By the time I went to university, I was happy to let people wonder about my sexuality. I wasn't pretending to talk about girls any more. Some people assumed I was gay, but my best friend Simon was the first person to confront me directly. We were studying in Hangzhou, in China, just south of Shanghai. It's a very beautiful city, on a lake with mountains, and we were walking through the streets when Simon asked me outright. First he made a joke about whether "I liked girls ... or boys?" I laughed but he persisted and said "So what are you?" I just said, "I'm not straight and I'm not gay, and that's it, full stop." Back then I didn't know what term to use.

The following summer I was surfing the internet when I read a post from a girl who wasn't attracted to anyone. Someone had suggested she should be aware of "asexuality", and gave the address of a website: asexuality.org. When I went to the site and read the material, I was quite dismissive at first, because you just don't hear about other asexuals. Since Freud and Kinsey, and even to an extent the sexual revolution of the 60s, we tend to believe anyone without a sexual orientation must be repressed or delusional. Asexuality is therefore an impossibility. Kinsey labelled us "X", a statistical throwaway category for anyone damaged to the point where they can't express any sexuality.

Gradually, though, through visiting the site, I came to realise that these were just ordinary people; people who were writing things I'd thought myself, but had never heard anyone else express. It was such a relief. Finally I had a label - a way to explain myself that could settle all the awkwardness and questioning.

I told my close friends straight away. Only one female friend didn't really believe me. I think she thought I was secretly in love with her.

Back at college I decided to get it over with in one day by wearing a T-shirt saying: "Asexuality is not just for amoebas". I was nervous, but I'd already told a dozen or so people, and was used to answering the same questions over and over. No one has ever reacted really badly to me - I've been lucky.

I told my mother shortly after finding the asexual website, and she said: "Well as long as you understand the possibility that one of these days you'll meet someone and want to settle down with them." I wasn't so sure. I'd already resigned myself to a solitary existence. I'd convinced myself I could form strong friendships and was independent enough to fare OK. Luckily my mother always ends up being right about everything.

When my studies took me to New York, I got more involved with the asexual community there. I posted messages on their website and there were regular meet-ups in a little pink tea shop in the East Village - I guess you could call it the asexual equivalent of a gay bar.

One day I got an email from Amanda. She was asexual, living close by, and offered to show me around the neighbourhood. In case she was cruising for an asexual boyfriend, I responded with a warning that I was "vehemently anti-romantic". But we met up anyway, for tea and ice-skating, and we took to meeting a lot.

I loved Amanda's attitude to life and enjoyed hanging out with her. And she was pretty. At first I tried to treat it like any other friendship. Then I found myself travelling four miles down town to deliver sandwiches when she told me she was hungry. Two months in, we were at a gig and it seemed like a good idea to hold her hand. I felt cautious about it but just wanted to. I wondered if I could. Then I found I couldn't let go.

That evening ended with us agreeing that our friendship was an important thing. We wanted to commit for life. In the asexual community we don't form relationships lightly. If you don't want to spend the rest of your life with a person, there's no reason to make such a special commitment.

When we announced our engagement, our families were happy for us, and our friends in the asexual community were particularly pleased. On our wedding night, my mother-in-law insisted on booking us into a honeymoon suite, so we invited all our friends to an after party. We played Scrabble late into the night and everyone stayed over and slept on the hotel-room floor.

People always ask how our marriage is different from just being friends, but I think a lot of relationships are about that - being friends. We have built on our friendship, rather than scrapping it and moving on somewhere else. The obvious way we differ is that we don't have sex, though we do kiss and cuddle. We like to joke that the longer we're married the less unusual this is. By the time we've been married five years we'll be just like everyone else.

Do I feel as if I'm missing out on something? Not really. We've decided that if either of us wants to try sex out in the future then we will see what we can do. We would both be willing to compromise because we're in a relationship and that's what you do.

When it comes to the future and to children, we're big advocates of adoption. We're not so fussed about passing on our own genes. Right now we're quite happy with what we've got. After moving around so much, I can say now that wherever Amanda is - that's home.

· Paul Cox was interviewed by Bridget O'Donnell. Some names have been changed.

[plix (imported)]

I am always amazed yet disturbed to see how judgemental most people are. The comments on this article are no exception.

Most people can apparently only see an issue from one point of view (usually their own). If this is the way people are wired, I suppose we really cannot blame them for responding this way. But of course using neurological makeup to justify behavior raises a slew of uncomfortable questions, such as if criminals are neurologically wired to commit crimes, can we really punish them for that behavior?

Even though I certainly have no problem with asexuals or asexual behavior, I do have to wonder if there is merit to the comments questioning or rejecting the use of labels. I've always wondered if we use labels because we feel the need to call attention to behaviors that depart from the norm and in the process hope to feel better about ourselves and our own behaviors. If we truly do believe that the entire diversity of the human experience is valid and equal, why do we constantly feel the need to point the differences out and categorize them?

[ramses (imported)]

I think most people that object to "labels" do so because there is a negative conotation to that label or they don't feel the label is specific enough. If you are straight guy that likes to occasionally suck a cock, then you're not straight. You are bi. Maybe not 50-0- bi but bi nontheless.

It is human nature to try to name things and thats how human speach developed. The first thing babies do is point and name things. People need to be accepting of other people no matter what their label is and people should have pride in what they are. If someone wants to be asexual, great! Just don't marry a sexual person and make their life miserable.

I am always amazed yet disturbed to see how judgemental most people are. The comments on this article are no exception.

Most people can apparently only see an issue from one point of view (usually their own). If this is the way people are wired, I suppose we really cannot blame them for responding this way. But of course using neurological makeup to justify behavior raises a slew of uncomfortable questions, such as if criminals are neurologically wired to commit crimes, can we really punish them for that behavior?

Even though I certainly have no problem with asexuals or asexual behavior, I do have to wonder if there is merit to the comments questioning or rejecting the use of labels. I've always wondered if we use labels because we feel the need to call attention to behaviors that depart from the norm and in the process hope to feel better about ourselves and our own behaviors. If we truly do believe that the entire diversity of the human experience is valid and equal, why do we constantly feel the need to point the differences out and categorize them?

[devi (imported)]

With as much running around naked at hot springs and so forth that I do, I must admit that I've pretty much been mostly asexual throughout my entire life time. I just wouldn't recommend us going back to the puritanical age is all. With as many expectations that are associated with S - E - X , it's just better and nicer not to persue it too too much. But if the time and person is just right and the cosequences would be minimal then I say by all means GO FOR IT. Otherwise just leave it alone. There's just so many other things to do. So it seems to me that the asexual movement DOES have its place and purpose. And it is a great counterbalance to what amounts to in our everyday life (radio, tv, so forth) as our hypersexual movement in this modern age.

[chilliwilli (imported)]

I'm only asexual when she's not horny...and then its all about pleasing her...I gave up on my lot. Does that make me asexual?

Chilli-

[IbPervert (imported)]

Would like to know what his testosterone have been and are now?